What does a turkey like to eat on Thanksgiving?
Nothing; they are already stuffed.

Or, as the mother turkey said to her daughter as she wolfed down her meal,
"Don't gobble your food."

Is turkey soup good for your health?
Not if you're the turkey.

An old man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, But I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." "Pop, what are you talking about!" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer, " the old man said. "We're sick and tired of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her." And he hangs up. Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "They're getting a divorce? I don't think so!" she shouts. "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until we get there. DO YOU HEAR ME?" And she hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "It worked. They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way. Now we have to think up something for Christmas!"

Did you hear about the government officials who talked turkey?
They spoke gobbledygook.

Why did the turkey cross the road?
To show that he wasn't chicken.

Why did the band leader save the drumsticks from thirty- eight turkeys?
Because he wanted seventy-six tom bones.

Why did the turkey bolt down his food?
Because she was a gobbler.

Why are turkeys so good at arithmetic?
Because they count the number of chopping days until Thanksgiving.

Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks.

Why do turkeys have such a persecution complex?
Because they're cut to pieces, they have the stuffing knocked out of them, and they're picked on for days after Thanksgiving.

 

 

As the leftover turkey said after it was wrapped up
and refrigerated, "Foiled again."

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© Ulla-Jane - 2002