The Eagle Witch and the Birdcatcher's Wife

This story takes place in Kralorela. I do not remember if there is a province of Wi Xiang in the official Kralorela, but if its isn't, lets say it is the place where all Kralorelan fairy-tales takes place, and that its name means "Never-never-land", or something like that. It was originally written for the Gloranthan mailing list in December 1994, while I was studying in Turku, Finland. I have polished it a little since then. It is the most ripped-off of all my stories: other stories contain some elements borrowed from RW folk and fairy tales, but this is, in essence, the way to tell the wonderful Finnish yarn of the magic fish, the fisherman, and his wife Ilsebill in such a way that a Kralorelan might understand it.

If you like Gloranthan stories of all kinds, I recommend Delecti's Lore Library. Scott Knowles AKA Delecti, another Glorantha fan, has done a great job there. Check it out! There are even some snippets of my writings I didn't bother to include here.


Once upon a time there lived in the province of Wi Xiang a poor birdcatcher and his wife. They lived in a tiny hut made of straw and never ate anything else than rice and crows, for the man was forced to sell all good fowl he caught, to pay for the rice. Their clothes were so old that they were patched with bird skins, and their house was made of sticks and mud.

Onw day when the birdcatcher went to see to his glue sticks and nets, he found a absolutely HUGE bird caught in his largest net.

"How wonderful!" he exclaimed. "This huge daughter of the sun will bring me much rice from Wung Po the rice-dealer! She is fit for a mandarin's table!"

But to his horror, the bird said with melodius voice: "Oh no, birdcatcher, please spare my life! I am an eagle, and I will not taste good - in fact, the rice dealer's customers may well be so disappointed that they tell the rice dealer to punish you for peddling raptor meat as good fowl."

The birdcatcher thought about this, and then said: "Ha! You do not fool me! Eagles are used as pets by the big landlords, so I have heard it! I will sell you for much copper cash to some bigwig farmer, and eat good meat and drink wine for the first time in my life!"

At this the bird grew truly frightened, and hastily said: "No, dear birdcatcher, do not do that! I am, you see, not a real eagle at all, but a witch woman of the Animal People. If you free me, I will make magic so that you can eat meat and drink wine anyway."

The birdcatcher frowned. "How do I know that you will not cheat me?"

"Oh, I swear by Wild Man, our common ancestor, that you will be satisfied!" the eagle witch said nervously.

With this the birdcatcher was content, since no one would cheat on an oath to their ancestors, and so he released the eagle and went home.

There his wife met him, beaming with joy. "Blessed be the Gods of the Fields and Fishponds(1)!" she shouted. "You can never guess what happened today!"

The man laughed. "Yes, I can! For some reason, I will have meat and wine for dinner. But I do not know how."

The wife was stunned. "That is true! For when I came home from gathering firewood, I found a cask of wine and a hunk of pork on our table. But how did you know?"

And then the birdcatcher told his story about the eagle witch to his wife. To his surprise, his wife got mad at him. "You idiot! Why did you not wish for somewhat more useful? This will hardly last us a day, and you gave her a life for it! But still there is a remedy! She swore by Wild Man that you would be satisfied, and tell you what: I AM NOT SATISFIED, AND YOU WILL NOT BECOME SATISFIED UNTIL I BECOME SATISFIED!! Find her again, and demand that she makes you a wealthy farmer!"

And so the man went off into the forest again, and to attract the eagle witch, he sang this song:

"Eagle Woman of the sky,
I have troubles, tell you why:
My Wife is hard to satisfy."

And the Eagle Witch finally appeared and asked: "What do you want? Was not the meat fresh and the vine ancient?"

The man bent his head in shame and said: "Eagle Witch, I can never be satisfied until my wife is satisfied. Make me a wealthy farmer!"

And the witch shrugged, and said: "So be it! But I hope that will satisfy your wife!"

And the man went home and found a large house with squealing pigs, fishponds teeming with fish, and huge green ricefields. And momentarily his wife was satisfied, and so was the farmer.

But one day his wife said: "You know, the magistrate's wife still do not respect me, since I am the wife of a mere farmer. Go to the Eagle Witch and demand that she make you a mandarin!"

And the farmer went again into he forest and sang:

"Eagle Woman of the sky,
I have troubles, tell you why:
My Wife is hard to satisfy."

Again the Eagle Witch appeared, and said: "What is it now? Was not the fishponds full and the ricefields fertile?"

And the farmer bent his head in shame and said: "Eagle witch, I can never be satisfied until my wife is satisfied. Make me a mandarin."

And the witch shrugged and said: "So be it! But I really hope your wife is satisfied this time!"

And even before the farmer came home he noticed that the witch's magic had worked, since he now carried a yellow robe of rank, and his mandarin's cap with all the six Buttons of Office. And his wife was satisfied for a while, but one day she came and said: "You know, a mandarin is merely a mandarin. The Exarch's wife still treat me as a peasant woman. Go to the Eagle Witch and tell her to make you an Exarch!"

And the mandarin trembled, but went again into the forest and sang:

"Eagle Woman of the sky,
I have troubles, tell you why:
My Wife is hard to satisfy."

Again the Eagle Witch appeared and said: "What is it now? Do you not carry all the six Buttons of Office, and are not your robes a fiery yellow?"

And the mandarin bent his head in shame, and said: "Eagle witch, I can never be satisfied until my wife is satisfied. Make me an Exarch."

The Eagel woman just squaeked angrily and gestured for the mandarin to leave.

And when the mandarin was on his way home, he felt his body quake with magic power, and the trees and flowers kowtowed to him as he walked towards his new palace. And for a while his wife was content. But one day she came and said: "You know, being an Exarch is not all was it seemed to be like. I have realized that no mortal may be content." And the Exarch sighed with relief. But then his wife said: "But not so for the immortal Dragons. Go to the Eagle Witch and demand that she turn us both into dragons!"

And the Exarch quaked with fear, not with magic, but still he went in to the woods and sang with a faltering voice:

"Eagle Woman of the sky,
I have troubles, tell you why:
My Wife is hard to satisfy."

Again the Eagle Witch appeared, and this time she was thunderous. "What is it now? Does not your body quake with magic? Does not the trees and flowers kowtow to you as you pass them by? What could your wife still wish for?"

And the Exarch buried his face in the mud and whispered: "Eagle Witch, I can never be satisfied until my wife is satisfied. Turn us both in to dragons."

But at this the Eagle Witch shrieked and howled, and demons of all the five elements appeared and danced around her. "DRAGONS? DRAGONS, MY ASS! RETURN HOME, BIRDCATCHER! YOUR FILTHY WIFE AWAITS YOU IN YOUR MUD-HUT! AND MAY NONE OF YOU EVER TASTE MEAT OR WINE AGAIN IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE!"

And all she said become true. The birdcatcher who had been an Exarch returned home to his wife, and found her in their mud-hut, and never in his life did he get to taste meat or wine again, and neither did his wife. And no matter how much his wife begged and cajoled, he would not go out in the woods again and sing:

"Eagle Woman of the sky,
I have troubles, tell you why:
My Wife is hard to satisfy."

1) The spirits of agricultural lands, benevolent and civilized, unlike for instance the grim and moody Gods of the Mountains and Marshes, the spirits of the wilderness and desolate places.

Note: The Gloranthaphile Commisariat of the Correct Magnitude of Magic Happenings (GCCMMH) wishes to notify that this is just a story. Your Kralorelan PC cannot become an Exarch just by catching some poor Eagle Hsunchen shamanka and blame your outrages wishes on your wife. He has to work his way up, just like any other Exarch-wannabe. But Kralorelan peasants still tell stories about such things. It's the Kralorelan equvalent of "Dallas".


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