Yesterday's Tomorrow

Part 7

The riders stared at him as he slammed the door.  Buck could see his friend's exhaustion and felt sorry for him.  "Kid, you okay?"

He nodded and sat on his bunk, careful not to sit on Lou who was still asleep.

Cody smiled at him and said, "Hey, it's okay.  If I had a penny for every girl who slapped me, I'd be a millionaire!"

"I'm not really upset because of that," he told them.  "I'm upset at the other stuff she said.  I can't believe you guys were watching and listening to our conversation!"

"I wasn't!" Cody denied.  "I looked out the window to see if the ladies are finished cooking dinner over at Rachel's, and I just happened to see some of the things that went on.  Anyway, Kid, that woman's got some arms!"

Kid rolled his eyes as he touched his cheek again.  "Tell me about it."

Lou woke up to the noise of Cody's loud mouth.  The sight of Kid sitting so close to her made her heart melt that she almost forgot that she was still upset with the riders.  She slowly rose from Kid's bunk and grabbed her coat.

"Where are you going?" Buck inquired.

"To Rachel," she said coldly.

"Why would you wanna go there?  They haven't even finished cooking," Cody told her.

"You told me that I should be cooking with the ladies, remember?"

"Aw, c'mon, Lou.  You're still upset about that?"  She walked out the door, making sure that the door slammed as hard as it could. 

Cody rolled his eyes.  "I guess so."

"Kid, I'm gonna say this out of concern for you, not for my hate toward Brenda," Jimmy began.  "I saw what went on out there tonight, and I am sure that you are not in love with her.  Am I right?"

Kid shook his head.  He knew that there was some truth in his friend's opinion, yet he refused to answer truthfully.  It seemed so unfair to Brenda as if he was betraying her trust and love by agreeing with Jimmy.  "No, Jimmy, that ain't true.  I do love Brenda."

Jimmy shook his head. "No, Kid.  That ain't true and you know it.  You love her as much as a student loves a teacher, not even as much as people love their dogs.  You love her only because you think she loves you too much.  You fear that if you don't return her love, you're gonna disappoint and then hurt her.  You love her so you don’t feel guilty.  But tell me, Kid, isn't it worse to lead her on, maybe marry her, live with her miserably, knowing you'll never ever be happy?"

Kid grabbed his hat.  "Jimmy, I don't wanna talk about this."

"All right, but you gotta face the truth one of these days and hopefully, soon.  I just don't want you to regret and suffer when it's all over.  I want you to marry someone you really love and someone who really cares about you.  I don't want you to end up with Brenda.  She's so unstable, Kid.  One minute she's happy, kissing you, then she just snaps and slaps you."

"You don't know her well enough to say that," Kid told him.

"But I know you well enough to know that you don't really love her, at least not enough to marry her."

"Jimmy, enough!  What business is it of yours anyway, huh?"

"Hey, don't get mad at me.  I'm just telling you what I feel.  That's all."

The door suddenly opened, and Rose Mary entered.  "Boys, dinner's ready.  C'mon, honey," she said smiling sweetly to Jimmy. 

Jimmy rose to his feet, and gave Kid a pat on the shoulder before joining his wife in the cool evening, their hands lovingly locked together.

"Oh, before I forget," Rose Mary said as she turned around to the three riders behind her.  "Do you know what's troubling Louise?"

Kid looked concern, a frown forming on his brow.  "Why, what's wrong with her?"

"She just seems a little sadder tonight like she's got too many things on her mind."

"Don't worry, honey," Jimmy reassured his wife.  "She doesn't have too many things on her mind.  She only has one person on her mind, and he's enough to drive her crazy."

Rose Mary smiled, knowing that the flame between Kid and Lou had not completely burnt out.

Kid observed Lou during dinner.  What's the matter with her?  Why ain't she eating? he wondered worriedly.

"Excuse me," Lou said, rising from the table, her food still untouched.

"Honey, are you all right?" Glory asked her.

"Yeah, I'm fine.  I'm sorry.  I just seem a little tired tonight."

Rachel shook her head.  "Lou, you shouldn't be out there today working at the ranch.  You know you ain't up to it yet.  Go ahead and get some sleep."

"Thanks, Rachel."  She smiled again to reassure them that she was okay before leaving.

She walked back to the bunkhouse.  The place seemed so colder without the boys around.  She unzipped her luggage and felt for the envelope carefully wrapped in clothes under the luggage.  She opened the envelope, her eyes beginning to water.  She gently held a small picture of a very tiny baby boy in her arms.  The picture was black and white, but she could see the blue tints in those beautiful eyes.  "Kid, forgive me," she whispered sadly.  "When you find the truth, I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me."  She fell asleep still holding the picture against her bosom.

Kid slowly approached the bunk.  It was almost three in the morning.  He was feeling very uneasy earlier in the evening; to cure his confused emotions momentarily, he took Katy for a ride.  He did not even realize that he was gone for hours.  Cody was already asleep, and he was thankful that the blond cowboy was not snoring.  He could not see her face, but he knew that it looked lovely.  He wished he could kiss her, and he wondered if she would object to his desire.

What's wrong with me?  I have a finacee.  I really need to get myself together, he told himself as he lay on his lower bunk. 

"Hold your horses, Mr. Cody," Lou told the cowboy as she hid the picture under her pillow.

"Lou, c'mon.  If you don't move faster, we're gonna be late for the play!"

"Calm down.  I'm already rushing and going crazy, okay?"  Lou brushed her long auburn hair quickly as the mirror reflected an impatient look on Cody's face.

"Lou!  By the time we get there, the play is over!"

"Why don't you wake up Kid?  He'd wanna see that play."

"He already saw that play five hundred times, Louise!" Cody informed her in an overtly impatient tone.  "C'mon, Lou, you look pretty enough in that dress.  You don't need to brush your hair."

"Okay, let's go.  Are you sure Kid doesn't wanna come with us?" she asked as she looked at the still asleep Kid whose handsome features were still evident as he slept.

"Trust me, Lou.  He doesn't even wanna hear about it!"

Three hours later, Kid woke up and lie silently on the bunk.  It was already one in the afternoon, and clearly, he missed breakfast and lunch.  Moreover, he had not done any work at the ranch.  Judging by the way the room looked with Cody's numerous outfits spread across the floor, he knew that Cody went somewhere, probably to another play. That guy never makes up his own mind, he thought as he picked up several of Cody's pants on the floor, which were among the unlucky clothes that were not chosen to be worn that day.  He looked at Lou's bunk and realized that she was with Cody.  

He began to clean the room, folding every blanket he could find.  As he arranged Lou's bunk, he discovered the concealed picture from underneath her pillow.  It was a picture of Lou holding a baby.  Her hair was a little above her shoulder so he knew it was taken just months after she left Rock Creek years ago.  The baby looked familiar as if he had seen him before.  He studied the tiny face for a while when it finally hit him; the baby looked just like he did when he was a baby.  He was sure that those were his eyes, that those were blue even if the picture was black and white.  It was in fine condition so he assumed that Lou must have kept it carefully and cherished it.

The door suddenly opened and Lou walked in.  There was a shock look in her reddening face as she saw the picture in his hands.

"Do you wanna explain this to me?" he asked her softly, not wanting to frighten her.

"What are you doing with that?" she asked angrily as she grabbed it from his hand.  "Who gave you the right to go through my stuff?"

"For your information, I wasn't going through your stuff.  I was cleaning the room and found that under your pillow.  So, do you have anything to say to me?" he asked, his eyebrows were raised.

She put the picture in her luggage.  "What do you want me to say?  What you wanna hear?" she asked him. 

"Lou, I don’t wanna argue with you, all right?  Just tell me who the baby is."

She looked at him with pain in her eyes.  "It ain't the right time."

"What?"

"I said it ain't your business!" she cried angrily as she started to head for the door.

Kid grabbed her arm, refusing to let her leave.  "You can't save your butt this time, Lou.  You just can't walk out on me like that.  Tell me who the baby is."

Tears were beginning to water her eyes.  She knew she needed to get out of there before she lost control of her emotions.  "He's mine.  Are you happy now?"

"He's my baby, Lou.  I know he's mine and yours!"

"Leave me alone, Kid."

"Lou, he's my baby, right?  He's mine, right?" he asked her; his voice was mixed with excitement and nervousness.

"My world doesn't revolve around you, Kid.  You don't know if he's yours or not.  He can be someone else's child!" she told him angrily.

"Don’t lie to me, Lou!  Lie to me about anything, but not this!  Tell me, is he mine?"

She stared at his eyes that were now filling up with tears.  It hurt her more to say it, but she did.  "No."

She ran and ran, not knowing where she was going.  She just needed to escape from the tension, from the pain.  She hated lying to him.  It was his child!  Even strangers would see the resemblance between the baby and his father!  She felt like a fool.  How could she ever tell him the truth without hurting him?  It was his son whom she loved and dedicated all her love and time in the time she was away from Kid.  It was his son whom she devoted herself to, but he only saw the world in a short period.  He was born prematurely and was even lucky to have survived his birth only to be taken away from her three days later.  He did not completely develop all the systems in his body that were required to sustain life.  Although he was with her for only a short while, he gave her one of the greatest happiness she ever felt, and he still lived in her heart.

"Kid, forgive me," she cried as she settled down under the large oak tree.  Her legs ached from running.  Her dress was in complete ruin.  She did not even realize that she ran without shoes on.  Now her feet were cut up and pierced by pain.  Nothing in the world would ever comfort her, except maybe Kid's embrace…

She did not know how many hours it had passed when she heard familiar footsteps approaching.  She was not surprised to see Kid walking toward her with an apologetic expression in his handsome face.  She began to rise, but her body was just too exhausted to move so she continued to sit there under the tree, glad that her tears already dried.

He smiled at her.  "I knew I'd find you here," he said softly as he sat down next to her.  "Listen, I'm sorry about what happened earlier.  I have no right to ask you about things like that.  I mean you've been gone for a while, and a lot can happen.  I'm sorry if I offended you in any way this afternoon."

"It aint' your fault," she told him.

"I'm sure he's a very special man."

She gave him a puzzled look.  "Who?"

"The father of your baby.  Who else?"

"Yeah, he is."

"He must love you so much."

She sighed sadly.  "I ain't so sure about that."

He looked at her, his eyes searching for any pain he might find in hers.  "What do you mean?"

"I don't know, Kid.  I just think we've grown apart, and he's happy with someone else."

He waited for her to say something more, but he understood that she was not ready to share her past.  "It's getting late, Lou.  C'mon, let's head back home," he said as he rose to his feet and offered her his hand.  "Remember that you can always talk to me about anything.  Anytime, Lou."

She smiled, happy to hold his hand for a short moment.  "Thanks."  She leaned forward and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

He immediately turned away, afraid that he might lose control of his actions.  They drove back to the ranch with silence between them.  He didn’t mind for he was satisfied just to hear her riding by his side.

Kid returned to working in the ranch when they got back.  Dinner was prepared by Rachel.  Cody was the first one to sit while the others followed.  Teaspoon looked around, trying to determine who was not there.  "Where's Kid?"

"Feedin' the horses," Rose Mary answered.

"Well, he hasn't eaten anything this afternoon," Rachel said. "Lou, do you mind fetchin' him for me?"

"No problem, Rachel," she said as she hurriedly headed to the barn.  "Kid?"

"Over here, Lou."

She found him brushing Katy and was impressed that his love for the horse did not change one bit since she left.  "C'mon and eat, Kid."

"Thanks, but I ain't hungry," he said, his concentration still on Katy.

"Doesn't Brenda get jelaous over her?" she asked curiously.  She remembered how ridiculous she felt before envying his horse.

Kid looked at her and laughed.  "What are you talking about?"

"I'm just wondering if she ever fusses about Katy."

He stopped for a moment to think about it.  "Yeah, I suppose at one time or another.  Why?"

"Nothing."

"Well, get back inside.  It's cold out here.  Go inside and eat."

"What about you?"

"I'll pass," he told her as he brushed Katy some more.

"Fine.  I'll just stay here for a while and watch all the pretty horses."

"You should get back inside, Lou.  I'm serious."

She cocked an eyebrow and said, "You're out here so why should I?"

He shook his head, smiling.  "You still haven't changed.  You're still stubborn."

"What did you say?"

"Nothing," he said, chuckling to himself.  "I was just talking to myself.  Hey, since you're just standing there, why don't you come and help me brush Katy?"

She grabbed a brush and stood next to him to brush the beautiful horse.  She could sense his eyes watching her, maybe even admiring her lovingly.  Stop it, Lou, she told herself.  He's not looking at you, and he's definitely not admiring you.  She almost convinced herself when she felt his hand above hers.  He slowly lifted her chin to look into her eyes.  Before she could come up with an excuse to leave, she felt his lips brushing against her lips softly.  She could not control her desire for him anymore so she finally gave in.

They both knew that it was wrong, but they could not get away from eachother's kisses.  Her hands roamed his chest as she felt his hands caressing her waist.  They lie on the soft hay in the barn, drowning in their suppressed desire for eachother. 

This ain't right, he told himself.  Why does something that feels so right make me feel so bad?  He knew that he needed to do something about this.  It ain't fair for Brenda, and Lou definitely did not deserve this.  He rose from her, forcing himself away from her sweet lips.

"What's the matter?" she whispered as she reached up to kiss him.

"Lou, this ain't right.  We need to stop this."

She removed herself away from him, angry at him and at herself at the same time.  "It was never right between us anyway, Kid," she said with hurt in her voice.  "I'm sorry.  This ain't all your fault."

"Kid!  Lou!" they heard Jimmy called from outside the barn.  "Are you in there?"

Kid sighed, buttoning his shirt and putting his hat on.  "We're in here, Jimmy." He turned to her and said, "Listen, we're gonna talk about this some other time."

Jimmy walked in with no suspicious glance.  Nothing out of the ordinary seemed to cross his mind.  "Well, are you ready?"

"Yeah," he said as he saddled Katy. 

"You didn't even eat anything," Jimmy told him.  "Lou, it's freezing out here.  Get back inside."

"That's what I've been telling her."

"Where are you guys going?"

"We need to do some errands for Teaspoon," Kid told her. 

"When will you be back?"

"About a week from now at the earliest."

"Don't worry, Lou.  I'll take care of him," Jimmy told her, winking at the same time.

"Be careful," Rose Mary said as she gave Jimmy a warm hug.

"I will, honey.  Well, you take care of yourself."

Kid smiled at Lou and said, "See ya soon."  He held her hand for a moment and let it go.

"Kid, let's get going.  Tell me we ain't gonna stop by Brenda to say goodbye, are we?"

Kid laughed.  "Don’t worry, Jimmy.  I already talked to her this afternoon.  She knows we'll be gone."

Jimmy let out a sigh of relief.  "Take care, Lou."

Rose Mary and Lou watched silently as the two men rode in the darkness, carrying their hearts with them along the way.

Part 8