Yesterday's Tomorrow

Part 3

A while later, Kid went into the hotel room.  He wanted to get separate rooms for him and Lou, but there was no vacancy.  Forced to spend another long, restless night with a woman who was obviously mad at him for some reason he did not understand, he prayed that there would not be any incident that would farther strain their already distant relationship. 

When Lou heard him entered the room, she immediately turned away so she would not have to look at him.  She could hear him unpacking and undressing as she felt a strong urge to steal a look from the handsome cowboy. 

The two were lying awake as the thoughts of the other consumed their restless minds.  There was a sudden knock on the door.  Kid groaned, hoping it would go away, but the knocking continued.

"Would you get that?" Lou told him coldly.

Kid got up from the hardness of the floor to get the door. 

"I'm sorry to bother you, Kid, but I'm in trouble," Lou heard a woman said in an overtly sweet tone.  She was suddenly awake and interested.

"What's wrong, Crystal?" Kid asked the woman as he let her in and closed the door.

"Some guy paid for me for the night, but he started to be abusive even before we reached his room.  When he left to get some drinks, I escaped.  Please just hide me for the night.  I promise to leave tomorrow morning.  I just don't wanna be with him."

"It's okay.  You're welcome to stay here as long as you need to," he said as he held her when she began to cry.  "You'll have to sleep on the floor though 'cause Lou's got the bed."

Kid started to prepare a place for her on the floor when she said a little too eagerly for Lou's liking, "Is it okay if I sleep next to you?  I'm really scared to sleep alone."

What is her problem? Lou thought bitterly.  She is not alone!  I'm here, Kid's here.  I bet she's making this up to sleep with Kid.  It's bad enough I have to sleep in a room with a man who I want so bad and who doesn't want me.  It's even worse to sleep in a room with a woman who gets to be with the man I love!  Life is really not fair.

Kid lie on the floor as he allowed Crystal to cuddle closer to him.  He kind of liked it, only he wished it was Lou next to him.  Lou was terribly jealous at the affection Kid gave to the woman.

Lou lie tensed for a moment as she waited for something that might happen between the two.  She did not have to wait for long; soon she heard Kid's heavy breathing and the saloon girls' soft moaning.  They were definitely doing something naughty like kissing and touching.  She shifted repeatedly on the bed to let them know she was awake.

"Crystal, please, I don't wanna do anything we'll regret later," Kid said softly as his hands stopped Crystal's hands from wandering down his pants.

"I know I'm not gonna regret this," Crystal said in a very soft, sexual voice that almost made Lou throw up.

"But we don't even know each other  that well," Kid protested.  "Please, let's just sleep."  When Crystal's hands would not stop, he suddenly rose from the floor.  "Listen, I'll just go outside and find another room, okay?  You and Lou can stay here."

Lou certainly did not want to be alone with this horny woman.  "Kid," she called worriedly.

"Yeah?"

"Don't go," she said in her best masculine voice.  "Crystal can have this bed.  Since we're both men, we'll just sleep on the floor.  It ain't right for a lady to be sleeping on the floor."  She rose from the bed and offered her blanket to the saloon girl whom she hated so much.  She could not believe that Crystal had the nerves to touch Kid.

Crystal went on the bed as Lou lie on Kid's place on the floor.  Kid looked at the two ladies, confused whether he should sleep next to Lou or not.  She looks so lovely, he thought as he studied her lying comfortably on the floor.  He decided to risk a slap and lie next to her.  He was so tempted to embrace her, to consume her once more, but he knew it would not be right for she was not his anymore.  Lou shuddered under the thin blanket from the fierce coldness of the room.  She buried her face in the blanket, hoping Kid would take the opportunity to put his arms around her.  However, he lie there without moving.  She knew that he was not asleep from the pattern of his breathing that she knew so well.  For some reason, she began to sob softly, wishing that she was not such a baby. 

Why do I expect him to do all these things when he's not mine?  Why can't I get over him?  Why can't I get it through my head that he has Samantha now.  Images of Samantha played in her thoughts.  Somehow she convinced herself that even though she would never amount to Samantha's beauty, to her feminine and slender frame, she was still beautiful in her own way.  But of course my looks aren't for every man's liking, especially Kid's.  I would never look so feminine and sensual like Samantha.  I don't blame him for going after her.  Who would want me?  Her self-esteem lowered farther than she ever thought it could have.  She cried harder, oblivious of the fact that Crystal was still in the room. 

Kid did not know what to do.  He could hear her crying, but he could not understand why.  It couldn't possibly be his fault for he had not touched or spoken to her.  Something's wrong with her, he thought sadly.  Maybe something's up with her family.  "Lou?" he called softly as he touched her slender shoulder.  "You okay?"

She pulled away from his touch and moved away from him.

"Lou, I'm sorry for whatever I did," he told her.  "I wish you'd tell me what's wrong so I can do something about it."

"Trust me.  You can't do anything about it even if you try."

"What is it?  Is it something I did?  Or something about your past?"

"Both," she said, "but not exactly."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing.  Just forget about it."

He figured that she was not opening to him because Crystal was in the room.  "Wanna go outside and talk?"

"It's okay.  Go to sleep."

"Lou, I can't sleep when you're crying like that.  Tell me what's wrong."

"Just leave me alone!" she told him coldly before getting up and slamming the door behind her.

"What happened?" Crystal cried. 

"Nothing.  Go back to sleep.  I'll check after him," he told her as he grabbed his shirt and ran outside.  He hated the idea of her being alone in the middle of the night.  Who knew what malevolent things could happen to her.  He saw her sitting outside hugging herself tightly.  He sat down beside her, trying hard not to give in to his desire to embrace her.  "Wanna talk about it?"

"You wouldn't understand," she said stubbornly. 

"If it's about me, just let me know now so we can put it behind us and move on.  You at least owe it to me to let me know if I wronged you."

"Owe it to you?" she said with bewildered eyes.  "I don't owe you nothing."  She started to walk away and Kid followed her.  "Leave me alone."

"No, I won't!" he said stubbornly.  He hated fighting with her for it was so childish, but he would not let her out of his sight.  "I don't care if you don't talk to me.  I'll still follow you anyway."

"You're such a pest!  Sometimes you're more annoying than Cody."

Kid shook his head at this terrible insult.  "Sometimes you're so stubborn like a horse!"

"You're a worse liar than Cody," she told him angrily.

"When did I lie to you?"

"All the time."

"About what?"

"Everything," she said between her sobs.

"What are you talking about?" he cried after her.  "I never lied to you." 

She turned around to face him.  "Are you sure, Kid?  Remember the times when you said you love me when you really didn't?  What about Samantha?  Did you lie to her too? Or did you or do you still love her, and you only lied to me?"

Kid stared at those big beautiful brown eyes, amazed at what he just heard.  He could not believe that Lou was mad over Samantha, a woman from his past that he was willing to forget to make her happy.

Lou wanted to slap him, but the pain in his eyes made her think twice.  She waited for him to say something, to deny the dreadful thoughts that made her hurt the most.  When he didn't, she knew that everything she thought about his relationship with Samantha was true.  His heart belonged to someone else now and never belonged to her.  She was just a victim of the game that he played with her heart and wasted emotions.  

She was about to turn away when Kid held her close to him and pleaded with his gorgeous blues.  "Lou, how can you think that?  I loved you, and I still do.  I don't love Samantha.  She was just a momentary crush.  I would have gone with her if I loved her, but I stayed 'cause I don't think my heart can take having you out of my sight."

She looked into his eyes, searching for any sign of deception, but she only found love.  "Kid, please don't say these things if you don't mean them."

"But I do," he said.  "I'm just concerned about you.  I wish we could be friends again."

She smiled, wishing they could be something more.  "Let's go back to the hotel.  It's cold out here."

She started running to the hotel as Kid chased after her, tickling her slender frame every time he caught up with her.  He wished that they could be lovers again, but he knew that it was not the right time.  They were still healing from the past, and Lou probably did not love him anymore.

When she did not head straight to the hotel room, Kid followed after her.

"Where are you going?"

Lou stared uncomfortably at him.  "I just don't wanna be in that room with Crystal.  No offense, Kid, but it just doesn't feel right in there."

He was not sure whether that pained flash in her beautiful eyes was a sign of hidden jealousy.  "Lou, I don't want you to be alone."

She smiled warmly.  "I ain't alone.  There's lotsa people here."

He felt frustrated and shook his head.  "Lou, that's not what I meant."

"Kid, I'll be fine."

"Why don’t you and Crystal sleep in the room?  I'll just hang out around the hall," he offered, thinking that she did not want to sleep in the same room with him.

"It ain't you, Kid.  I just feel uncomfortable in there.  I don’t know why, but I do."  When she saw the pained expression in his gorgeous blues, she felt as if her heart tore.  "You can stay with me if you want."

He smiled.  "Are you sure?"  He absolutely loved the idea, but he was uncertain whether Lou just felt sorry for him and only wanted him to say no.

She grabbed his hand and led him to a vacant room and closed the door behind them.  She wanted to kiss him, but she did not want to make the first move.  After all, they just agreed to be friends.

"Take the bed," he told her as he broke away from her touch.  He felt himself getting aroused and did not want to take anything too fast until they were both ready. 

She watched him as he prepared his place on the floor.  Why does everything have to be so hard with him?  Why can't I understand how I feel?  One minute, I wanna shoot him, then the next minute, I wanna suffocate him with kisses, make love to him…

Kid let out a chuckle when he saw her watching him intently.  Lou immediately looked away, embarrassed.  "Good night, Lou" he said softly as he lie on the floor, listening to her soft breathing, wishing he could hold her hand.  "Tomorrow we have to deliver the mail.  We should be back by night fall.in Rock Creek."

Mixed emotions took over her mind.  She was happy to be coming home soon.  She felt stupid and embarrassed around Kid; it seemed as if she was always saying the wrong things at the wrong time.  On the other hand, she wanted to stay with him, just be alone with him, just to be with him without the chaos of the station, the rest of the guys, the irritating girls that constantly flirted with him.  She could not take being apart from him.  Knowing what little time they had together and the long wait she would have to endure for a moment like this, she slid carefully down the bed beside him.  She was not sure if he was asleep or not, yet he automatically put his arm around her as if they had always been engaged in such a sweet embrace. 

She could feel his light breathing against the warmth of her skin, and she held him tighter.  Tears began pouring slowly from her eyes, believing that she lost the only person she completely fell in love with, and he was already in love with someone who truly deserved him, someone like Samantha. 

How can I be so stupid to let him go?  I probably deserve losing him.  I deserve everything I get for denying my feelings.  No wonder I'm so miserable! she thought sadly as she let the tears of regret rain down from her eyes.

Kid felt her soft skin and warm tears on his bare chest.  He held her tighter, wishing she would talk first.  She cuddled closer to him as she cried even harder.  She hated feeling like she did and hoped to find some source of appeasement by being close to him, even if it was just a stolen moment in time.

Kid placed a tender kiss on her forehead and held her face up to gaze into her sad eyes.  "Honey, what's wrong?  Please tell me.  I don't ask for much, Louise.  Just give me this once, and I promise I won't ask you for anything else."  He was not sure if he could keep a promise for he cared so much about her, but he was determined to try.

Hearing his words made her cry even harder.  He wouldn't ask me for anything else, she thought sadly.  He'd never ask me to marry him, never worry about me again.

"Lou, please, say something.  I hate seeing you like this."  She reached up to kiss him, but he backed away.  "Lou, this ain't the solution.  We can't keep promising things that we can't keep.  I don't want a relationship that's just plain physical.  I want an emotional basis for us.  I want to really know you, Lou, to know everything about you.  I wanna know what's bothering you, what's making you cry, your fears, your reasons, everything.  I love you so much.  I can't stand seeing you this way and knowing that I can't do anything about it.  Just open yourself for me, Louise.  I'm always here for you and will always be.  It hurts me to see that you don't trust me.  I love you, Lou, even if you don't feel the same way."

Her eyes locked into his eyes as she slowly thought about what he just said to her.  She never saw him so emotional and passionate as he was that night.  "You really mean that?"

He nodded, and she embraced him tenderly.  "I thought you'd never say that to me.  That's why I was acting the way I did.  I thought I lost you forever."  She held him tighter, not wanting to let him go.

"Is that what this is all about?" he asked softly.  "I thought something bad happened.  Next time, just let me know, all right?"  He found the whole thing amusing, but did not laugh out of respect for the woman he loved.

"It ain't that easy, Kid.  I thought you and Samantha were together.  I didn't want to come between the two of you."

"Lou, there was nothing between Samantha and me.  We were just friends.  She was just my escape from all my frustrations and heartache over you," he said, caressing her smooth face.  "It's always been you, love.  Always.  Remember that."

They kissed passionately as their hands explored eachother.  She had not felt him inside of her for what seemed like forever that her desire for him grew intensely.  She was thankful that his shirt was off and began to unfasten his pants.  His hands worked expertly on her longjohn as he teased her with his tongue. 

"Kid, I miss you so much," she whispered lovingly as he nibbled on her neck.  She could feel him hard as they lie naked in the dark.  His kisses and touch were enough to send her above the realm of intense passion.  She cried out his name as he silenced her with a sweet, long kiss that left both of them breathless.  They amorously made love like there was no tomorrow in the darkness of the night.

Part 4