Yesterday's Tomorrow

Part 10

The sky turned pink and orange as the sun began to set, casting a golden glow on the open field.  Lou had been riding for hours, not completely knowing where she was going or where she was going to stay for the night. 

I just have to get away, she reminded herself.  I just have to leave now, or I will never be able to.  She thought about seeing Kid again, and she knew that once she did, she would fall so deeply in love with him that she would never be able to get herself together again.  She would always be holding on to the past as Kid held onto the future with Brenda.  Leaving while she still had some control over her feelings for him was the best choice she could make.  Images of Brenda walking down the aisle as Kid waited with a smile to hold her hand flashed in Lou's mind.  Well, I had my chance but blew away.  Ain't nobody's fault but mine, she thought bitterly.

She and Lightning were approaching a dead end.  "C'mon, girl, jump it!" she commanded her horse.  With her mind occupied about Kid and the family she left behind, she underestimated how steep the hill was.  She fell off her horse as Lightning galloped to a halt. 

"This is just great!" she yelled in anger, breaking the dead silence around her.  She checked the mustang and to her dismay, Lightning picked up a stone.  "This is even better!"  Can this day get any worse? she thought to herself.  She brushed the dust off her coat and pants.

Lou had no choice but to call it a day.  She walked along the woods as night approached.  The shadows of the towering trees cast a sinister glow on the trail.  Darkness finally came as she stumbled and tripped on fallen branches.

"Great!"  She scowled at the realization that she just fell into a puddle of mud, and her clothes were wet and muddy.  She ran her fingers through her hair and felt the stickiness that the mud created with the tangles. 

Shivering at the chill of the night air, which her wet clothes did not help combat, she finally found a nice clearing in the woods and decided to rest there.   I gotta get out of these clothes, Lou thought as she began to take off her coat.  She had no choice but to remove all her clothes, for even her longjohn was soaking wet. 

Deciding that it was too late to build a fire, she crawled under her sleeping bag with the hope of falling asleep quickly.  Of course, she did not fall asleep without reflecting on the past few weeks.  She loved her brief stay in Rock Creek.  She missed the boys' company terribly.  She wished she could have talked more with Jimmy.  She wished she and Cody have gone to more plays.  She wished that she and Buck have gone riding more often.  She wished she spent more time with Rachel and Teaspoon.  She wished she and Kid have reconciled and become something more than friends.  She wished she and Kid have . . . . She could not finish her thoughts about what could have been between her and Kid.  She wished for so many things, but no happiness would be so great as the happiness she would have felt if her wishes between her and Kid turned into reality.  She fell into a dreamless slumber with the image of Kid in her mind.

This is easier than I thought, Kid thought happily as he followed the track of Lou's horse.  It was getting dark, but his keen eyesight allowed him to continue tracking her until he finally reached the clearing in the woods where she rested for the night.  Why didn't she build a fire? he wondered as he shivered in the cool chill of the night air. 

Kid quietly dismounted Katy.  He could barely make out Lou's form in the darkness.  Despite the rustling of the leaves and the distant cries of wild creatures in the woods, he was comforted by her light breathing.  He was ready for her angry words when she woke up and prepared for the reproaches he would receive once she found out he had followed her.  It doesn't matter if she becomes angry at me, he told himself.  The most important thing is that I've found her.

He wanted to touch her, hold her, kiss her, but was afraid he would wake her up.  He removed his coat and placed it across her shoulders to keep her warm.  Although it was completely dark, he was certain that she was radiating in all her beauty and softness.  He settled down against the tree across from her.  It was a cold night, yet feeling the presence of the woman he loved gave him comfort and warmth.

Lou shifted uncomfortably in her sleep.  She was overcome by exhaustion, yet she knew that she must soon rise and get moving.  She opened her eyes and stared at the purple skies, welcoming the coming of dawn.  As the morning glowed with the rising of the sun, she suddenly gained awareness of the familiar blue coat sprawled across her back, securely covering her shoulders. 

What the hell---, before she could finish her thoughts she saw Kid sleeping against the tree across from her.  What is he doing here?  Am I dreaming?  She drew his coat tighter around her body, stimulated by the scent of him.  How did he find me?  And why wasn’t I aware that he had been here last night?  Hundreds of thoughts raced through her mind.  What should I do now?  Should I make my escape while he sleeps?  She knew how difficult it would be to leave once he awakened.  Yet it was already beginning to become difficult.  Too difficult.  She could feel her knees weakened as she tried to rise.  Emotions overwhelmed her, and she knew she could not leave without saying one last good bye to him.  She wanted to touch him very badly.  She needed him, but was unsure if he shared her feelings.  Unable to take her eyes off of him, she studied him quietly, memorizing every angle of his handsome face, every contour of his lean muscles, every fall and rise of his chest as he lightly breathed in the morning breeze.

With the feeling of someone watching him, Kid slowly opened his eyes, uncertain where he was.  Then he remembered his search for Lou, and a feeling of dread came over him.  What if she left?  How long have I been sleeping?  He was about to get up when his eyes met hers.  He wasn't sure what he saw in her eyes- hurt, anger, sadness, longing, all four?

Quickly he walked over to her and put his arms around her.  "Lou, are you all right?  What's the matter?" 

She knew she should be angry with him for following her, but having him so close to her, hearing his heart pounding on his chest, she became weak and succumbed to his touch.  She could feel his hands gently rubbing her shoulders. 

He smiled, kissing her forehead, inhaling the sweet scent of her hair.  He was shocked to realize that she lie naked except for his coat wrapped around her slim body.   "Lou, what happened to your clothes?" he asked, trying to keep the concern and worry in his voice.  "Are you okay?"

Smiling, Lou gave him a kiss on the cheek.  She knew she shouldn't.  After all, they had not resolved anything between them.  Not yet, anyway.  "I tripped and fell in the mud," she told him softly as she began to move away.  She did not know how long she would be able to stand having him so near without suffocating him with her kisses.  She stood up, thankful that Kid's coat was long enough to cover her nakedness although it left a greater part of her thighs exposed.  She checked her clothes, which were spread about the bushes.  "They're dry," she told him, suddenly speechless, her mind failing to register what was going on.

Kid merely watched her, studying her curves, wondering if he would ever touch her again.  She acts like nothing happened, he told himself.  Has she forgotten that she left once again?  Has she forgotten the possibility that we may never see eachother again if I didn't find her last night?  Has she forgotten the letter she left him, confessing about their baby?  Has she forgotten what they had, what they shared?  Has she forgotten him?

"Lou," she heard him say in a serious note.  "We need to talk."

She sighed, fully aware of what was coming.  "Well, let me get dressed first.  Can you please turn around?"

Kid frowned, then finally realized what she meant.  He did as he was told, smiling as he fought the urge to take a stealthy peek at the beautiful woman.  He wondered why Lou asked him to turn around.  It ain't like he never saw her without clothes before.  Memories of their lovemaking and images of Lou on the verge of ecstasy flashed in his mind.  It had been too long since he last touched her, since they made love.  He remembered the night he made her promise to always remember that his heart belonged to hers, and he wondered if she kept her promise.  He knew what he said to her that night was still true in his heart. 

"Okay, Kid, what do you wanna talk about?" she asked as she leaned against the tree.

He wished she would come closer to him, but completely understood her reserved manner.  "Lou, why did you leave?"

She tried to avoid answering him directly so she said, "I'm still here."

Frustrated, he rose and approached her.  "Lou, that's not what I meant."

"I already told you in that letter," she said as she backed away from him.  "I don't care to explain myself again."

"Who said I was getting married?"

"Kid, you have a fiancee.  You're engaged.  How can you not be getting married?" she answered in an exasperated tone.  "I know I'm a fool for you, but I ain't that stupid.  I'm not gonna stay around and pretend to be happy on your wedding day."

"But Brenda and I haven’t set a date."

"I saw her at a bridal store, and she was gonna ask you to marry her when you came back.  I guess I just can't stand to witness it.  I ain't ready for it."  She waited for him to say something to confirm his wedding. 

Instead he smiled and held out his hand for her.  She hesitated taking his hand but could not fight the irresistibility of his touch.  He gladly took her hand in his, and she allowed him to put his arms around her.  Soon she relaxed and leaned on his chest as they sat together against the tree.  After a long silence, he said, "What were you doing at the bridal store anyway?"

Was he teasing her? she wondered.  "Nothing.  Just looking.  Is something wrong with that?"   He chuckled.  "I know I may never get married," she defended her pride.  "But that doesn't mean I can't look at those dresses."

"Hey, I was just kidding."  He kissed her forehead, intoxicated with her sweet fragrance.

How could he stand being so close to me? she thought.  She was embarrassed of her appearance.  Her clothes were covered with dried mud.  Her hair was tangled with dried mud.  She probably had mud all over her face.  She wished she could take a bath.  However, Kid didn't seem to mind as he ran his fingers up and down her arm.  His touch put her mind at ease, and she wondered how she could ever give him up. 

"Lou, marry me," he whispered.

Did he just ask me to marry him? she asked herself.  His voice was horse, and she knew he was fighting his tears.  "Kid, what are you talking about?  Are you okay?"

He nodded as he looked into her eyes.  "Will you marry me, Louise?"

Yes, yes, yes!  she wanted so much to shout the words and give him a kiss, but she was again reminded of her faults.  How can I ever marry him?  I don't deserve him.  No, not after all I put him through.  "Kid, I don't think you're thinking straight, or you wouldn't have asked me that.  You don't know what you want.  Please, Kid, don't ask me again."

"I know what I want Lou.  I want you.  I want us to be together.  Please, give us a chance."

"Have you been drinking?  Are you out of your mind?  I can't marry you," she told him angrily.  Why did he always put her in this position, where she always had to betray her feelings for him in order to keep thinking straight?

"Why not?" he asked with a pained expression in his face. 

"You know why.  I can't," she told him again.

"Lou, I love you," he said softly, his eyes pleading with hers.

She turned around, unable to stand seeing the hurt in his eyes.  Did she put it there?  "Kid, you're engaged.  I can't and I won't share you with another woman."  She turned red after this confession, secretly glad that he could not see her face.

"Who says you have to?" he told her.

She finally turned around to face him, not caring anymore if he saw the tears in her eyes.  "Are you blind?  She loves you, Kid.  I don't want to come between you.  You will have a great future with her.  There's nothing I can give to make you happy.  I've failed you so many times already.  I can't risk it again.  Now let me go," she told him as she walked toward Lightning.

"I can't and I won't," he told her as he followed after her.  "I broke off my engagement with Brenda.  We're over."

She turned to him with surprise in her eyes.  "You what?"

"I ended my relationship with Brenda."

"You're even crazier than I thought," she told him.  "You' re making a big mistake."

"Lou, please, don't leave.  Listen to me.  Do you remember the night you promised to never forget that I will always belong to you?  Well, I still do."

"No, Kid, I don't remember," she lied as she saddled her horse. 

He sighed, hoping that she was not so stubborn.  "Lou, listen to me.  I don't love Brenda.  Not the same way that I love you.  I care about her, but that's about as deep as I feel for her.  Lou, I promise to make you happy.  I know I haven't been there for you.  I know I owe you so many things.  Let me make it up to you."

He owes me many things? she questioned.  "Kid, you have been there with me, always.  Never a day that passed by since I left that I didn't think of you.  I owe you a lot, and I can never make it up to you no matter what I do.  Can't you see it's better that I leave before I do something that we'll both regret later?  I've caused you too much already.  I can't do that anymore."

"Lou, if you really feel that you will be happier away from here, then I have no choice but to respect that.  I guess we still are not meant to be, huh?" he said with hurt in his voice.  "I'm sorry for not being there when you had our baby.  I'm sorry.  I should have been there.  You were the mother of my child, and I wasn't there to support you."

That was the first time he spoke openly about the baby she had lost.  She was surprised that he was not angry with her.  Instead he was sympathetic and apologetic, as if it was all his fault.  "Kid, don't blame yourself.  It wasn't your fault."  She walked toward him and buried her face in his chest.  She had tried to walk away, to mount on her horse, yet she could not.  She had been right all along.  She knew that now that she saw him again, he completely took her heart, and if she left, she would always be missing a part of her.  She would never be able to walk away from him again no matter how hard she tried.  She suddenly didn't care if she had to share him with Brenda.  Maybe it didn't really matter after all as long as she saw that he was happy. 

"Kid, I love you," she told him as she sobbed against his chest.  She raised her face to gaze into his eyes and saw happiness there.

"Louise, will you marry me?" he asked again, ready to be left brokenhearted if she refused him again. 

Her strong conviction of the love Kid shared with Brenda was suddenly broken.  As she looked into his eyes, she finally became convinced of the profundity of his love for her, and hers for him.  "Yes," she answered.  "I'd love to be your wife."  And she continued to answer him with a kiss.

He lowered his face to kiss her and was surprised at the intensity of the kiss she returned.  She welcomed his lips on hers as she ran his fingers on his chest.  He lifted her in his arms, "Well, in that case, let's go home," he said softly, still breathless from their kiss. 

She pulled him away from the horses, leading him to her sleeping bag.  "Kid," she said between their kisses.  "Let's not go yet.  I wanna stay here awhile."  It had been too long since she felt his touch, since she felt his lips, since she felt the passion burning inside her.  She knew that once they returned to Rock Creek, they would have very little privacy to be alone and satisfy their desires. 

She smiled at him seductively, a smile that he knew very well.  He knew what she wanted, and he was not about to deny it to her.  His eyes reflected a light of happiness and love as he gazed into her eyes.  The feeling he felt at that moment was indescribable.  He never felt that way toward a woman before.  As he kissed her, he knew that she returned the passion that burned within him.

"You will make a beautiful wife, Louise," he told her.  "We'll have a big family.  Maybe three kids, maybe more."

She laughed at his candid honesty.  "How many do you have in mind?"

"Ummm," he said, thinking although he could barely concentrate between their kisses.  "I was thinking maybe four, or five, or…" his voice trailed off as he buried his face in her neck. 

"Well, I suppose you'll keep me busy if you want many kids," she told him, happily laughing. 

He silenced her laughter with a passionate kiss.  They familiarized themselves with eachother once again as they engaged in the sweet act of love.  She held onto him, not wanting to let him go, thanking him for his stubbornness not to let her walk out again with every kiss.  He suddenly remembered his wishes for the past to come back for tomorrow.  He was overcome with joy at the realization that his yesterdays with Lou had returned in yesterday's tomorrow; they were here today.  The two lovers gloried in their love, breathless and finally understanding their feelings with each warm embrace, with each burning touch, with each passionate kiss, in the welcoming presence of the rising sun.

THE END

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