STICKING
TOGETHERSTICKING
TOGETHER
He pushed himself to his feet, angry that he had mussed the cuff of his pants and that his gloves had minute traces of blood on them. This just would not do. He wrapped his knife carefully in a handkerchief, pausing briefly at the sound of an owl in the distance. He dare not linger in this house where his latest failure lay still warm, at his feet. Just a handful of minutes ago he had thought that this quest of his was over, that he had finally found the one, the perfect and pure one who could cleanse his soul. But she had lied to him, lied with lust filled eyes, just like all of the others and now he had to add another to his list of sins that needed to be forgiven. His hard shiny boots skirted the rivulets of blood that spread out over the floorboards like a spider’s red web. He shoved the knife into his coat pocket as he found his way out of the house, climbed on his horse and headed for the next town. There was still so much to be done and he felt his time growing short. He had to find her.
Kid looked out over the corral from his place on the front porch of the bunkhouse, watching his friends as they broke in a new mustang. It had been a hot and miserable summer and these first days of autumn had not brought much improvement in either the temperature nor to the dusty barren landscape. There seemed to be an ominous foreboding that hung in the air with the dust, a feeling that Kid had been unable to shake since Noah had been killed. Even though this should be the happiest time in his life, newly married and to the girl of his dreams, it was anything but. He should be out there helping his friends, he still worked for the Express, at least until Russell, Majors and Waddell found out that he was married or until the Express came to an end, whichever happened first, but he was having a hard time motivating himself to do much of anything these days.
He felt torn. He should be in Virginia. He fingered once again the letter in his pocket, its paper so worn from being folded and refolded that it felt like fine silk. If he had answered its call he would right now be strapping on a sword, holstering a gun and mounting a horse, not standing uselessly on this weathered porch. He would be dressed in gray. He passed a weary hand through his hair and looked down at the light blue shirt he wore instead, the guilt of his decision turning his stomach once more, just as it had but a few minutes before when he had pulled the letter from his pocket and read it over once again. This battle that had been raging inside of him since he made this decision had him so tied in knots that he felt incapable of making another, he couldn’t even decide to leave this porch and help the three working with the mustang in the corral.
He felt so cut off from them, he was different now, he was married. Lou should be the person he took his troubles to, talked things over with, not the boys. But she was part of the problem, not his solution. She had begged him, cried and pleaded with him not to go the day the letter had come and in the end he had bowed to her wishes. Yet, he could not look at her without feeling a measure of anger with her for forcing him to this. And if he had gone to fight, maybe his anger would instead have been directed at the writer of the letter he had stuffed far down in his pocket. There was no good choice to be made here, as his mother used to say, “damned if you do, damned if you don’t.” At least if he had made the decision on his own he would have only himself to blame and wouldn’t be blaming Lou.
He sank down on the top step of the porch, resting his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his hands. He felt a sudden coolness as a shadow settled over him. He raised his head from his hands but could see only a dark silhouette, the blazing afternoon sun blinding him to any other detail. He could tell just from that outline though, the long mane of hair that hung past the man’s shoulders, the trim build, the way he hooked his thumbs in the top of his pants, that it was Buck.
“Mind if I join you?” Definitely not Cody, Cody would have plopped down right next to Kid without asking, would have leaned into him as he described what a great job he had been doing breaking the mustang. And not Jimmy either. Jimmy wouldn’t have wanted to sit next to Kid. It was as if Kid marrying Lou had driven a final wedge between them and the man rarely spoke to him, then only if he had to. Buck would have stood carefully before him, blocking the sun while he searched Kid’s face, trying to determine if it were a good time to impose. Kid nodded and motioned towards the empty space beside him on the step. Buck settled his lanky form next to Kid stretching his legs out and leaning back on his elbows drinking in the sun. “Nice weather,” he said. Kid laughed out loud.
“Yea, if you like living in an oven,” he snorted. Buck made no response but Kid could see the smile on his face. He relaxed a little, needing desperately to have a moment of peace and somehow drawing just that from the quiet rider beside him. He glanced again at his friend’s profile. Buck had closed his eyes and Kid had a feeling that he was somewhere between being awake and being asleep. They each had a talent for being able to rest anywhere, the demands of the job requiring that ability for simple survival. “Wish I could get comfortable like that.” Kid didn’t realize he had spoken the words out loud until Buck responded.
“What’s stopping you?” Buck’s eyes were still half closed, his body relaxed, yet Kid knew he had Buck’s attention if he wanted it. All of a sudden he felt that he had never wanted or needed anything more, a chance to pour out to another living person the pain this decision of his was causing him. Who could better understand what he was going through right now than the young Indian beside him? Who better than Buck knew what it was like to be torn between two worlds, forced to choose between pieces of yourself, and because of it condemning yourself to never being whole again. Kid hesitated. He didn’t want to involve another person in his personal problems with Lou and yet, he felt that if he didn’t talk about this he might find himself jumping on Katy one morning and heading out ruining everything that mattered to him.
That simple question of Buck’s ended a half-hour later when Kid rose stiffly from his place on the steps and headed into town to run an errand for Rachel, a little less desperate, a little lighter in his step and left Buck heavy with concern for his friend. He had no advice to offer, only empathy. Everyday he faced the same challenge that Kid did, how to live split between two worlds and he felt no closer to a solution now than he had when he had first left the Kiowa six years before. Kid had responsibilities though, reasons to stay and Buck felt compelled to help somehow, to make Kid see that those responsibilities were more important than any damned letter from his past. He owed Lou at the very least a future and getting killed fighting in a war to defend a land that was no longer his and a creed that he no longer believed in, didn’t make any sense. And as far as Buck could see, the war these crazy whites were fighting had as much to do with greed and arrogance as to do with honor and patriotism. Didn’t wars usually?
Buck’s attention was drawn to the corral. He realized suddenly that Jimmy was riding the mustang, but there wasn’t another soul with him, not the way to break a wild horse. If the horse threw him there would be nothing to keep him from being crushed beneath the horse’s hooves. Almost as if his thoughts were coming true, the horse reared and bucked in lightening quick succession and there was no chance for Jimmy to hold on. He hit the ground hard, made one mighty effort to raise himself, then dropped unconscious on his face in the dirt. Buck was off the porch running for the corral yelling and waving his arms as he flew. The horse stopped and eyed Jimmy for a heart stopping moment but then seemed quite anxious to get as far away from the creature that had been causing it grief all morning and cantered to the far end of the corral away from Jimmy’s crumpled body.
“Jimmy!” Buck rolled the still figure over gently, terrified for what he would find. What he found was a pair of calculating brown eyes staring up at him.
“Is it safe?”
Buck groaned and sat back on his heels. “I could kill you myself for that, Hickok, I thought you were dead for sure.”
Jimmy placed a hand on Buck’s shoulder using it to help pull himself to a sitting position.
“Maybe Cody isn’t the only actor in this group after all.” A grimy smile was plastered on his face as he dragged himself gingerly to his feet, still using Buck’s shoulder for leverage. As angry as he was Buck managed to offer up a steadying hand.
“Yea, you fooled a horse and a horse’s ass.”
“Oh, Buck, I was just doin’ it to keep him from killin’ me. I figured if he thought I was already dead, he wouldn’t waste any time on me.” Jimmy patted the dust from his trousers and cast a quick glance in the horse’s direction. “Looks like I was right.”
“Why the hell were you trying to do this alone, you know better than that. And where’s Cody?” Buck stood himself and began to look around the yard for the errant Cody.
“Said he had things to do, right in the middle of working that horse. I had gotten him right where I wanted him and I wasn’t about to quit. You and Kid aren’t the only ones around here that can break horses you know.” Buck heard the tinge of jealousy in the other man’s voice and couldn’t chastise him further. But he could get angry with Cody. What was so all fired important that he had to leave in the middle of a job? In fact, he seemed to be leaving more than staying these days. He had signed up for the army right before the wedding, before Noah died, but the army had given him a partial leave for three months. Teaspoon had asked the blond rider to give him this time to find a replacement but they knew that wasn’t it at all. Teaspoon was hoping that something would happen, something that would change Cody’s mind and take him away from that life. Buck had to admit that he hoped so too.
“He walked right past you and Kid when you were talkin’ a minute ago, didn’t you see him?”
No, he had been so engrossed in hearing Kid out that Cody’s presence had never even registered. Jimmy ambled towards the gate placing a hand against his lower back and stretching his sore muscles as he went.
“So what were you and Kid discussing that was so interesting?” he threw over his shoulder, “Kid havin’ wife problems already?” He stopped at the gate holding it open.
Buck had stayed in the middle of the corral, not moving, not at all anxious to be pumped for information about Kid and Lou.
“You better come on before that horse decides to pay you back for what we’ve been puttin’ him through all day,” Jimmy nodded in the horse’s direction. Buck headed slowly for the gate. He could see the door to the bunkhouse open and Cody stepped out on the porch wearing his army uniform. Buck’s chest tightened uncontrollably, a reaction he had anytime he saw that particular shade of blue. He stood at the fence staring with ill-concealed disgust as Cody headed for the barn and his horse not sparing a glance for Buck or Jimmy.
“Just where do you think you’re goin’?” Jimmy caught sight of him and wasn’t going to let him off that easy. Cody stopped at the barn door but didn’t turn around.
“I’ve got things to do. Army things. I’ll be back by morning.” And he continued on into the barn.
“You’re goin’ whorin’ and you think that uniform’s gonna get you girls, Cody, and you know it,” Jimmy shouted after him. “This army crap is just an excuse for you to get out of pullin’ your weight around here.” That was enough to bring the blond rider back out from the barn, his hands balled in fists ready for a fight. Buck shut the gate quickly then rushed to try and head off what was certainly about to happen. Jimmy had crossed the yard to the barn in a few purposeful steps and would have laid into Cody without a pause if Buck hadn’t managed to force himself between the two men before anything connected. He pushed back against Jimmy forcing him away then turned to Cody and shoved him hard toward the barn.
He chose to keep pushing Cody knowing he’d have better luck getting him to back down. Pushing Jimmy would just make him madder and an angry Jimmy was almost impossible to diffuse. Once they were in the barn, Buck closed the door behind them. He stood at the door for a minute, partly because he wanted to make sure that Jimmy wouldn’t attempt to force his way in to finish what they’d started and partly because he was collecting himself, counting himself lucky that one of the two hadn’t decked him by mistake. Cody had already started saddling his horse, his movements sharp and angry. He was muttering under his breath but Buck could still make out the words.
“Who does he think he is? Like he owns this place and pays my salary. He ain’t no better than me.” Buck picked up a brush, moved to the stall beside Cody’s and began to absently groom Katy.
“He’s just tired of having to make up for what you don’t do Cody. You can’t blame him for that. He don’t pay your salary but he sure earns some of it.” Buck spoke without rancor hoping somehow to get through to the recalcitrant rider beside him and Cody responded, leaning against his mount as he faced Buck, arms folded defiantly across his chest.
“I am doin’, Buck. Maybe not here for the Express but for my country. He’s just jealous cause he’s stuck in this dead end and he knows it. Times are changin’ Buck, and Jimmy isn’t ready or willin’ to change with them.”
Cody’s words stung. Buck was in the same boat as Jimmy, not ready to end what had probably been the best experience of his troubled life but there seemed to be no way to keep what they had, to hold this crumbling family together. But Cody’s answer to this changing world, joining the army, wasn’t the right choice; of that he was sure. And he wasn’t sure that Jimmy wasn’t at least partly right, that Cody had joined up as much for the amenities as for the opportunity to help his country.
Buck stopped brushing the horse and turned to face Cody asking him, “So what exactly are you “doin’, Cody? It can’t all be secret.”
Cody shifted uneasily looking everywhere but at Buck. That was enough to get Buck’s curiosity going. “Come on Cody, give. What could the army be doin’ around here that’s so all fired secretive? It’s not like the war is here or anything."
Cody’s face paled and he turned back to his horse pretending to tighten the saddle.
“Cody?” It came to Buck in a cold shot of comprehension. He dropped the brush he held and rounded the wall of the stall. He grabbed Cody’s arm and yanked him back around. They stood eye to eye, Cody’s face screaming his duplicity. “What are you doin’, Cody?”
“Tracking,” he whispered.
“Tracking what?”
“Whatever the army needs me to.”
Buck’s face paled too and he dug his fingers into Cody’s arm.
“So help me Cody, if you’re doing what I think you’re doing, I’ll, I’ll…” He couldn’t go further, not willing to put into words what he knew he was capable of doing, not wanting to believe that he could even think of doing such a thing to a member of his family. But this wayward one was pushing down a road that Buck could never forgive him for. He shook his head and backed away slowly. “How could you? I teach you how to track, teach you secrets about this area and you use them against my people. How could you?”
“I always knew how to track, you didn’t teach me.”
“The hell I didn’t, you couldn’t have tracked your way out of the bunkhouse before I showed you.”
“There’s an Indian working with the army that’s been showing me lots more stuff. He’s real good, the best. He’s a full blood Lakota.” Cody’s words were not chosen to hurt, to merely distract but hurt they did. Buck tried not to let simple words get to him but that they had come from someone that he thought of as family seared through his defenses and stabbed straight to his heart.
“And I’m not trackin’ no Kiowa, Buck,” Cody continued, oblivious to the pain he was delivering with each word, “The army is only goin’ after the ones that’s causin’ trouble, you know, the bad ones.”
Buck shot forward again, grabbing Cody by both arms this time glaring into his innocent blue eyes, his own full of threat.
“And what makes them bad, Cody?” he hissed. “That they’re defending their homeland from invaders, from people that are taking their land, destroying their food supply, killing their loved ones?” Buck’s voice had grown louder and angrier with each word until he was screaming. The barn door flew open and Teaspoon rushed in stopping directly behind Buck, his hands on his hips.
“All right you two, break it up. Now! I said now!” Buck released Cody one arm at a time. He gave him one last venomous look, turned on his heel and stomped from the barn without looking at Teaspoon. The older man shook his head sadly at the blond rider before him, wondering how his family had ever come to this and knowing that it would almost certainly get worse before it got better. He had never expected to get so close to these boys, but he had. Each and every one of them had found a special place in his heart and the changes the last several months had brought were tearing that heart to pieces.
This boy here, no, he knew he couldn’t say that anymore, this man here was one of his most problematic if only because he should have been the easiest to let loose of. Cody should have walked out into the world as a man with a future before him, happiness at his fingertips, a safe place in this life for the taking. Instead the young fool was throwing it all away, joining the army of all things, for no good reason other than glory, and was having the affect of a sharp knife slicing away at the fabric holding this little family of theirs together.
The blue uniform he wore tore at each of them every time he strutted through the bunkhouse with it on. Kid thought of his own decision not to put a uniform on, that was obvious in the way he fingered the collar of his shirt as if checking to see if it had suddenly changed to gray wool. And Buck, Buck’s face would pale and Teaspoon wondered if he would be ill every time he caught sight of Cody in his blue coat and shiny gold braid. Buck was the one he worried about most in this whole affair. His future was the most uncertain of all of the boys. Cody’s actions here today would more than likely serve to push Buck further away and in a direction that Teaspoon had been holding his breath against the last months, ever since Ike’s death, praying that the young Indian would just keep hanging on with them here. A return to the Kiowa would spell disaster for him, Teaspoon was sure of it.
Cody had retrieved his horse and was leading him out of the barn when Teaspoon pulled himself from his worries. “You hurt him, boy.”
“I’m not a boy, Teaspoon.”
“You’re acting like one, like a spoiled one.” Cody’s back was to him, but he could see his shoulders shudder from the weight of his sigh.
“I know. I’m sorry,” he said in a quiet voice, “I don’t mean to hurt him. I have a job to do though and I don’t think there’s anything wrong in doing it either. I don’t hunt anyone that don’t deserve to be hunted.” Teaspoon shook his head once more and shrugged his shoulders in defeat.
“You’re wrong Cody and if you can’t see that then maybe you ain’t learned anything from your time with Buck. Or maybe even with the rest of us for that matter.” Cody paused for a minute and Teaspoon held a hope that he would have more to say, hope that there was a chance he might change his mind. But he just sighed once more and said, “I have to go,” then continued on out of the barn. Teaspoon watched him go with a sense of failure hanging over him like a dark cloud.
Teaspoon followed Cody slowly out of the barn, the weight of worry dragging down his steps working itself into a stiff pain in his left hip. He limped a little as he started across the yard but was brought up short by a wagon turning and making its way to the bunkhouse. A young man, in his early 20’s held the reins. Next to him sat probably the most beautiful woman Teaspoon had ever seen. Masses of blond hair were swept up in a loose tie, loose enough to let wispy tendrils escape to curl around her perfect alabaster skin. She had the most amazing blue eyes, the color of deep pure water. Once his sights rested on her he couldn’t pull his eyes away. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed before he realized the young man was talking to him.
“Oh, what, yes?”
“I was wondering if you could help me.” The man spoke rather loudly as though Teaspoon had lost his hearing. He bristled. He might be getting a little weathered around the edges but he still had all of his faculties.
“I can hear just fine, don’t have to yell none.” Teaspoon moved closer to the wagon placing a hand on the horse’s bridle but forcing his gaze from the ethereal beauty in the wagon to her companion. “What can I do for you?” The man breathed a sigh making it plain to Teaspoon that this would not be the first time the young fellow had asked this question, possibly not even the second. He blocked out the light shining from the angel in the buckboard and concentrated on the young man’s question with all of his being.
“I said, I’m looking for a man by the name of Kid. That’s all he goes by, just Kid. We’re old friends and he told me he was working here. It was a while ago so maybe he isn’t anymore?”
Teaspoon came fully to his senses then and inspected the man and his companion more closely. “Friend, huh? What’s your name?” He didn’t care much if he sounded rude, he was more interested in being safe. It wasn’t often that his boys had “friends” drop by and he needed to be sure of the definition of friend before he gave out any information. It ended up all being a waste of suspicion and caution when the door to the main house flew open and Kid came dashing across the yard.
The man in the wagon flung himself from his perch and the two were immediately whooping and pounding each other on the back. After several minutes of this they broke apart and beamed at each other. It took until then for Kid to notice the woman still sitting demurely on the buckboard. His smile broadened as he did and he made a mad dash for the wagon. The woman pretended to ignore him gazing off in the direction opposite of where Kid had landed, panting at her side. Kid didn’t even hesitate, but instead grabbed her around her tiny waist and lifted her into the air. He held her there, screaming, crying at him to put her down immediately, which he did at last and she burst into happy squeals of welcome, both arms wrapped around his neck showering him with kisses.
It was at this very moment that Lou chose to appear, drawn by all of the commotion in the yard. The woman and Kid were so taken with their reunion that several minutes of hugging and kissing passed before anyone took notice. Even then it was Teaspoon who did and he cleared his throat quite loudly to get Kid’s attention. That still wasn’t enough and he finally had to say in a very loud voice, much like the one the young fellow had greeted him with moments before, “Well, Kid, you gonna introduce LOU and me to your new friends?”
“Sure, sorry.” Kid wrapped an arm each around the shoulders of his friends and led them to where Lou was standing with Teaspoon. “Lou, Teaspoon, these are old friends, not new ones, very old friends from Virginia. This here is John Thompson and this,” he gave the beauty beside him a hug,” this is John’s sister Abby, short for Abigail. John, Abby, I’d like you to meet Teaspoon Hunter, he’s the marshal here in Rock Creek, among other things and that is my wife, Louise.” He nodded his head toward Lou but kept his arm around the woman beside him. Lou had to force a smile on her face as they greeted each other with a quick handshake.
“How about we adjourn to the bunkhouse and I’ll get Rachel to serve us up some lemonade,” Teaspoon suggested ushering them toward the porch.
“I’ll see to it,” Lou cut him off as he turned toward the house and she sped off. He watched her thoughtfully as she headed up the steps and into the house then turned to note Kid’s arm still tight around the shoulder of the prettiest girl he had probably seen in his entire life. This was not looking like a good situation, not at all.
They sat around the table in the bunkhouse laughing and talking. Lou had not rushed back with the drinks but her absence hadn’t been noted by the others either. The three young people shared childhood reminiscences until Teaspoon interrupted.
“So what brings you two to Rock Creek? Are you thinking of settling here,” he had mental fingers crossed against the potential response.
“Oh no,” John replied. “We’re on our way home, to Virginia. There’s a war going on and I’m going home to fight. I kind of thought I’d find you already gone buddy.” He queried Kid across the table. Lou had arrived with the lemonade and Kid took the opportunity to help as an excuse for not answering. But John was excited about his goal, the glory of war burning in his eyes. Kid set the tray down on the table and sat next to Abby again, across from John and Teaspoon, leaving Lou to serve the lemonade.
“But since you haven’t left yet, we could go together, that would be wonderful, wouldn’t it John?” Abby wrapped her arm around Kid’s and squeezed in tight to his side. Lou took that opportunity to drop the first full glass of lemonade straight onto the table where it sloshed out over everything, then toppled to one side dumping what was left onto Kid’s and Abby’s laps.
“Oh! I’m so sorry,” she cried. Kid helped Abby up and led her to the door and the pump outside shooting Lou a furious look. Lou wiped the table then the floor apologizing again for her clumsiness. Kid and Abby reappeared moments later laughing, tears in their eyes, both of them dripping wet from some obvious horseplay. They sat back down and Kid took up the topic with energy as though taunting Lou, getting revenge for her childish act.
“So you’re going back to fight? Do you already know your regiment?” John looked around stealthily as if to check for listening ears. His gaze stopped at Teaspoon.
“Is he safe?” he smiled carefully at the older man.
“Of course he’s safe, it’s Teaspoon!” Kid responded. Teaspoon just returned the young man’s gaze, not cracking a smile, not at all happy with the direction this conversation or this reunion was taking.
“I’ve been assigned to serve with your uncle. Ahh, I see your surprise! He wrote to me himself and asked me to join him. That’s why I can’t believe you’re still here. I know you had to get a letter too.” Kid glanced nervously at Teaspoon and Lou. He had told Lou of the letter but not whom it had been from. He could see the shock in her face and the curiosity mixed with dread that clouded Teaspoon’s. “I can’t think of a man I have greater respect for, Kid,” John continued, “or a man I wouldn’t hesitate to follow into battle. We’re fighting for our homes, our futures, and our dreams. I’d be honored to have you join us.” Kid stared down at the glass of yellow liquid Lou had set out before him as if he had suddenly realized what they were all talking about. He felt Lou’s and Teaspoon’s eyes on his face. The anger and frustration he had been carrying came boiling up inside of him and all at once he could no longer control it. He raised his head and looked right into Lou’s searching eyes.
“No, I’m staying here with my wife,” he spat out, “She doesn’t want me to go. So I’m not going.” He stood suddenly. “John, Abby, would you care to stay here tonight?”
“N-n-o. We have rooms at the hotel,” John answered hesitantly. “Maybe we could have dinner together?”
Teaspoon could see the situation crumbling between the two young people he cared about so very much. “Why sure you could,” he broke in. “Have dinner right here with all of us. I’m sure you’d like to introduce your friends to everyone, huh Kid?” The last thing he thought these two needed was to pit Lou alone against the three of them.
“That would be fine, Kid, we’d like that,” Abby spoke up. “I think maybe we should head over to the hotel and get freshened up a bit. How about it John?” Kid wrapped an arm around Abby’s waist and walked them out the door and down the porch steps. Teaspoon could hear the wagon as it moved out of the yard and then the crunch of Kid’s boots as he headed for the barn. Lou sat at the table, her untouched glass of lemonade before her, silent tears spilling into its pale yellow liquid.
Teaspoon covered her hand where it rested on the table with his own, squeezing it slightly to get her attention. “It’ll be all right Lou, I know…” His words were interrupted by the sound of pounding hooves in the yard followed by footsteps bounding up the porch and a sharp rapping at the door. “Come in!” Teaspoon shouted not trying to hide his irritation with this interruption. The door flew open to reveal Barnett, waving an envelope in his hand.
“This just came for you on the stage Marshal. It’s from Sam Cain. I thought you’d want to look at it right away. It’s marked urgent.” Even with that news Teaspoon didn’t leave his place at Lou’s side.
“You gonna be okay, sweetheart?” She blinked the tears from her eyes and gave him a pressed on smile, the best she could manage at this point. He didn’t fall for it at all. He patted her hand then leaned across the table to plant a quick kiss on her cheek. “We’ll talk after I see what Sam wants, okay?” She waved him away and he left to join Barnett at the open door. He ripped the letter open and read hurriedly worry creasing his brow long before he came to the end. “Sam wants me to go visit a few towns west of here, ask some questions for him, check out some things. You gonna be able to hold down the place on your own for a few days, Barnett?”
“Sure Marshal.”
“Well, get Hickok to help you out if you need anything.” He turned his worried face to Lou. “I’m so sorry honey, but I’ve got to go.” She waved her hand at him again, this time her smile more convincing but only because she’d had more time to fake it. “We’ll talk when I get back, okay? Who knows, by then maybe this will have all blown over and we’ll be back to normal.” He gave her one last concern-laden look then slipped out the door after Barnett.
“Maybe this is normal,” Lou whispered under her breath.
After his blowup with Cody, Buck had taken his horse to the hill where they had had Ike’s funeral pyre. It was a place where he still found peace and could feel Ike’s serene presence. He stretched out under a tree whose leaves were just beginning to show some color breathing in the dry dusty air, reveling in the earth’s heavy scent. He came here often when he needed a quiet moment to find that place inside of him that allowed him to forgive the cruelties heaped upon him or to forget what he could not forgive. Cody had gotten to him more than he could remember anyone affecting him in a long time. He wasn’t sure this time if he could forgive or forget, either one.
They had fought together, played together, worked together for well over a year now. They were as good as brothers in Buck’s mind. But you could love someone, hold them always in your heart and yet not accept their actions. Buck could never accept what Cody was doing, not this. Even with all of his rationalizations, Cody too had to know that what he was doing was hurtful and wrong, had to know if he cared at all for Buck. That was what cut so deep, that Cody could take their friendship, all that they had between them and throw it away without a thought. Maybe the last year and a half had meant a lot more to Buck than it had to Cody, after all, Cody had never been alone in this world, never been without friends or family.
An uncomfortable thought wormed its way into Buck’s head, a thought that soon found its way to the pit of his stomach where it began to fester. Maybe none of the others felt the way he did. Could it be that for the rest of them this idea of family was only a convenience, something to give lip service to? He remembered the words his brother had spoken the time he had tried to get Buck to come back with him to the Kiowa. His brother had asked him what he would do when this family of his was gone and he was left alone in their world, a half-white to be abused and scorned. At that time, he couldn’t imagine that possibility, there would always be an Express and he would always have his family.
But now the end of the Express was a certainty, telegraph wires were being strung faster than anyone had ever imagined and those instant lines of communication would spell death to the Express. And once the Express ended the ties that bound them all together would come apart and each of them would head off down their own paths and to their own ends, a family no longer. What would he do then, he wondered, what if he had no job and the family that he had been a part of vanished along with the Express? He had been trying to walk two roads going in different directions for a very long time now but at some point and very soon he would have to choose one and only one way. Without his family to support him, he wasn’t sure if this white way would be possible for him. It was proving to be harder than anything he had ever done before and the loneliness he felt lately rivaled anything he had experienced with the Kiowa. If Ike were still alive…
He sat up suddenly, forcing away thoughts for his own future and what could never be. Kid was the one with the problem and Kid was the one he needed to think about. His friend needed something to do when the Express ended. Without it, he might be tempted to return to Virginia; not an option that Buck wanted him to think on for even a minute. And he was pretty sure he had an answer if he could convince Kid to take him up on his offer. He pulled a blade of grass from the ground beside him and stuck it in a corner of his mouth chewing absently while he thought over how to present this proposal of his.
He had bought the Metcalf place from Emily when she went back East. If he hadn’t, she would have turned it back to the bank and would have been left with nothing. So he had used his savings and had purchased the place from her giving her something to tide her over until she figured out what to do. It was his way of remembering Ike and trying to make up for the terrible things he had thought about her in the days immediately following Ike’s death when his anger and hurt had crowded out any concern or consideration for her or the loss they shared. He hadn’t thought of it since, the Kiowa didn’t own property, not in the white sense of ownership, they had a spiritual connection to their lands and land wasn’t held by an individual but rather by the Nation as a whole. He had no use for this land of his. All he had to do now was find some way to convince Kid to take it.
He chewed the blade of grass until it was reduced to a stringy pulp, spit it out, pulled another and began chewing again. Nothing came to him. He knew if he just offered it to Kid, the prideful fool would refuse it. He also knew that money was not plentiful between his two friends, they were desperately trying to save enough to provide a place for Lou’s brother and sister. And besides, whatever money they had would be needed to fix up the ranch, it wasn’t in very good condition. Maybe Kid would consider it a loan and would accept it as such? He could only hope. He heard the pounding of hooves in the distance coming closer and rose to greet Teaspoon as he arrived, out of breath and obviously in a hurry.
“Thought I’d find you here,” he gasped, “whew, not as easy dashin’ around these hills as it used to be, I must be getting old.” He slipped from his horse and squinted at the young man noting the lines of worry that creased his brow. “You still upset at Cody?”
“Some. A lot I guess. He don’t seem to care much about any of us these days. I don’t know, maybe he never did,” his voice trailed off the hurt choking off anything else he might have said. Teaspoon wrapped an arm around his shoulder and led him over to the rise of the hill where they could look out on the valley below.
“I don’t think its that. I think he’s choosin’ a path that’s different from where he was headin’ with us is all. Maybe all of what’s happening around here, the war, Noah dyin’, is contributing to that choice, I don’t know. I can’t believe he’d hurt you on purpose. He honestly thinks what he’s doin’ is right. Maybe he’ll come around, maybe he won’t. Lots of parents have wayward children, and I think Cody is ours.” A shadow of a smile crossed Buck’s face.
“Don’t think Cody would appreciate you talking about him like he’s a kid.”
“No? You don’t think so? Good.” Teaspoon had a lot more he wanted to say to Buck but now wasn’t the time. He looked the young Indian over carefully, saw that the worried crease had diminished a little and gave his shoulder a quick squeeze before releasing him. “I came to check on you but I also came because I need your help. There’s been a, ah, a situation in some of the towns west of here,” he said carefully planning to ease into the details while they rode, “and I’ve been asked to help check things out. There could be a need for some tracking and since you aren’t up, I thought maybe you could help. Could take us a couple of days. What do you say?”
“Sure, let’s go.” They both headed to their horses and in a moment they were on their way back to the station to get ready for their trip.
Dinner was a rowdy affair even with the absence of Teaspoon, Buck and Cody. Jimmy, Lou and Rachel were having a hard time keeping up with the banter flowing from the Kid and his guests. The three broke into gales of laughter after half finished sentences or in the act of passing a dish, the shared memories between them requiring little to set them off. Lou felt like an outsider, jealousy crowding out any attempt she might have made to join in.
The blond beauty that had seated herself next to Kid and was at that very minute hanging all over his every word, not only his word, all over him period, made her want to puke. Angry? No, she wasn’t angry, she was beyond angry. Kid had been as cold as ice to her for the last several weeks, ever since she had wheedled a promise from him not to go back to Virginia. It wasn’t an obvious shunning that he had given her, he still spoke to her, kissed her, made love to her, but there was a distance between them that had nothing to do with space. And here he was, showing all of the warmth and humor that made Lou love him to that woman, that perfect woman seated beside him.
“Lou? Are you listening? I said I’m gonna walk Abby and John back to their hotel, okay?” He didn’t even ask if she would like to join them.
“Sure, go ahead.” She shrugged not wanting that woman to know how upset she was, not wanting any of them to know the depth of her jealousy. Kid helped Abby on with her wrap and the three slipped out of the bunkhouse laughing and talking as the door shut behind them. The room was suddenly quiet and seemed painfully empty. She could feel Jimmy’s eyes watching her as she pushed food around on her plate. The more she felt those prying eyes on her the angrier she got. She jumped to her feet, knocking over her chair as she did. “What! What are you lookin at?” she seethed. He shrugged and returned to his dinner.
“You knocked your chair over, Lou,” was all he said. It was obvious he could care less about what she was feeling. Hot tears stung her eyes. There was a time when she could have confided in him, but lately he had thrown up a barrier between them. He had been civil and even pleasant on some occasions, but the closeness between them was gone. She needed his closeness tonight, someone to tell her fears to. She had to get out of there quick; she couldn’t hold back these tears much longer. She turned to pick up her chair, mumbled her apologies to Rachel then fled the room without a backward glance.
Kid never made it back that night and in fact she didn’t see him until almost noon the next day. It had been late he said, and he didn’t want to wake her. The three had stayed up talking he said. Talking about what? About the war, about Virginia, about home. He’d called it home. John was going “home” to fight, going “home” to defend honor and country he’d said. And Kid wasn’t. The words he hadn’t spoken were just as evident between them as the words he had. He was going to have dinner with his friends that night at the hotel and then, tomorrow, they would be leaving, going home. Once again he hadn’t asked her to join him and once again she had had to flee before the hot tears flowed down her cheeks.
She wandered the streets in town repeating again and again the harsh words she had spoken before she fled. She had told him how she knew he wanted to leave her and how she wondered if it was to fight in the war or to follow after Abby. “Go then,” she had said, “do what you want, but don’t expect that I’ll be here when you get back.” She had lashed out in her hurt and jealousy and fear. She wandered sightlessly, mindlessly, the emotions of the last days, weeks, months threatening to bring her to her knees, explode from her mouth in screams of anger and tears of sorrow.
In her confused state she never saw the stage as it plowed through the center of town. The first she knew of it was when she saw the back of it careening down the street in a cloud of dust, saw it from her place in the dirt where someone had shoved her hard just in time to save her from being run over. That person was now helping her up, dusting her off, apologizing for being so rough, checking her for injuries. Lou shook off the cobwebs that clouded her head and looked at last at the person who had saved her. The man before her was gorgeous. He had finely chiseled features, skin weathered by time in the sun, but his tan only served to make him look healthy and strong. Strong was how she would describe his chin and his eyes, strong and sure. He wore an army uniform but unlike most of the soldiers around Rock Creek, his uniform was clean and pressed, not a spot of dirt anywhere to be found. His gloves were even white except for the places where he had used them to dust her off.
“I’m sorry, how thoughtless of me, my name is Captain Landry, Charles Landry, at your service miss. I apologize again for knocking you down like that, I was just so afraid you would be trampled.” Lou took the hand he extended and let him lead her across the street. “Please, is there someplace we might go and rest for a minute? You look a bit done in.”
“No, really, I’m fine Captain.”
“Charles, please. And your name is?”
“Lou, Louise.” Lou caught herself gazing into his emerald green eyes with abandon and forced herself away, ashamed that she had been caught staring. He didn’t seem to mind, in fact didn’t seem to notice and she was impressed that someone so handsome might also be modest.
“Louise, would you please let me buy you some lunch, to apologize for messing up your dress and well, pretty much knocking you senseless out there.”
“Oh no, Captain, ah Charles, I should buy you lunch for saving my life.” He smiled a smile that would melt candles and shook his head firmly.
“I certainly couldn’t allow that. How about if we just say we will
have lunch together and worry about who pays afterwards?” Lou bit her lower
lip, her mind working feverishly in the process. They could have lunch at the
hotel. And maybe, Kid would find her there and get a taste of his own medicine.
Or if not Kid, then maybe one of those friends of his who would most certainly
share this news with him. The chance to put the shoe on the other foot took
hold and before Lou knew what she was saying the two were on their way to the
hotel restaurant. Jealousy was a powerful poison.
