he went out on the balcony to have a ciggy
with his head full of thoughts as always
if it wasnt for the streetlights and light coming from the windows of apartments 100s of meters away, it would have been pitchblack
lit his ciggy and sat down in some white plastic 'gardenchair' in a corner of the long balcony
he often sat very low in that corner behind the wall, not seeing the street below,
or beeing visible to anyone walking that street and looking up for some reason
you could see that the 1m or so, high wall of the balcony must originally have been whitish
but the casted cement was stained much like a coat being dragged after a car highspeeding in a swamp
it looked like noone had ever even wanted it to be beautiful in any way,
but it wasnt anything in its colour nor shape, that drawed your attention
it somehow melted into the environment, even though there was nothing but air surrounding it, and a 5floor steep on one side
if you looked at it quickly you wouldnt notice the colour of the truly ugly discoloured old cement
-
as he sat there thinking, paying little attention to the world outside his head,
a sound drew his attention,
or maybe it was the absence of sound?
that balcony was usually filled with sounds from passing cars, people talking or drunkards
the street below was empty and made no sound at all
but from the floors above water was dropping, running from the heavy rain that had been going on all day, but seized an hour ago
he got not a drip of water on him, but it wouldnt have made any difference if it had flooded down on him and soaked his clothes
the wind was blowing, but the air made no sound   
none at all
-
he had always loved rain and the way the rain changes the atmosphere
he sat even lower in the plastic chair
closed his eyes and continued the ciggy he had just lit
as he sat there, truly anjoying that ciggy he felt as if the sound of rain dropping, came from inside his head
the sounds were intense and really loud
he sat comfortable in that way, that if you close your eyes, you cant feel how you are sitting - the feeling you 'do not' have in your body when you are meditating
-
he found this feeling wonderful and uplifting
he came to think of when he was around 8 and came home from school, waiting for his older brother to come home
something about rain dropping that made him think of their house in his hometown
-
when he was 8
when his brother lived
forever lost
those was his happiest years ever
.
.
.
.
plast 2001
.
*end*