Mystery [Insert Pun/Injoke Here] Theatre 3081 Proudly Present... Episode 9: "16 people, 1000 years - The continuation of Final Fantasy 3" by "Ff3king". Or something like it at any rate... This MST is dedicated to Wally, who sent me the 'fic. ^_^ ______________________________________________________________________ ===[?]=== [We find Our Heroes in The Theatre. Someone has finally managed to hook up the SNES to the Screen, and Shane is busy playing FF6 for the who-knowsth time, while Silver is sitting in his usual seat, admiring his handiwork (naturally, he is the person who connected the SNES to the Screen). Jeanna is there as well, simply because 1) she has never seen FF6 before, and because 2) they are expecting a Fic Sign at any moment now, and of course, 3) she doesn't have anything better to do.] X: ...the hell?? Silver: Yet another change that you can't do anything about, X. Deal. [X fumes. There is no way to see it, but somehow, we KNOW he's doing it.] Jeanna: You're late, too. Not that I'm complaining... X: Well, never mind that now. I've found a PERFECT fic to torment you with... Silver: Before you start... just so you know, either PJ - Girls: AAAACK!! Silver: - OR Oscar - Girls: AAAACK!! Silver: [sigh] - equals a disintegrated theatre. X: No worries, mates. It's neither PJ - Girls: AAAAACK!! X: - nor Oscar - Girls: AAAAACK!! X: - but a fic called... er, that title is damn long, actually. I'll just roll the fic so you can see for yourselves, shall I...? Shane: Hey! I wanna play FF6! Others: [sweatdrop] ... X: You'll be glad to hear that it is an FF6 fic, then... Shane: It is?? Yay! Silver: Don't "yay". It's _X's_ idea that we read it. Shane: ...oh yeah. There is that. X: ANYWAY, I'll just push the button here... >Click!< Shane: Darn it... [hits Start and pauses the game] Oh well. [She sits down in her usual spot] Roll it quickly! I was just about to kick Vargas' ass! X: [sweatdrop] Rolling it... now. >16 people, Silver: ...and they are ALL AVATARS! Shane: RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! >1000 years Silver: [takes a deep breath] Jeanna: [takes out a Firestar and aims it at the wizard's head] Silver, if you start reciting that text at the beginning of FF6, I will hurt you severely. Silver: [pouts] Aww... Shane: *He's too good at that. FAR too good.* >- The continuation of Final Fantasy 3 All: _RUN AWAY!_ _RUN AWAY!_ >Written by Ff3king@aol.com Silver: ...soon to be a royal pain in our behinds. Shane: Well, the fic is far from king-sized... Jeanna: ARGH! SHUT UP! SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU! > After defeating Kefka, Silver: ...I celebrated. Shane: You did NOT defeat Kefka! Silver: It's a little known fact that actually, _I_ was the one who saved the day in FF6- >Splat.< JL: When you get out from under that safe, I expect you to BEHAVE. Silver: [muffled] STAY OUT OF MY MSTS! >in what is now called Silver: [disintegrates safe, rises] ...the Final Battle of FF6. >Crash!< Silver: Bloody wall... >the Final War of the Magi, Silver: Well, it was close. Jeanna: The question is, of course, "when is 'now'?"... >Terra, Silver: Tina. >Locke, Silver: Lock... >Cyan, Silver: Cayenne! >Shadow, Silver: Well, OK... >Edgar, >THWAP!< Silver: Ow! Jeanna: [fuming] Not ONE more of those! >Sabin, Celes, Strago, Relm, Setzer, Mog, Gau, Umaro, and I Silver: [mutters] Setzer, Mog, Gau and Umaro... GOGO?? Shane: What? Silver: Unless this is a rewrite of some kind, the final character - "I" - should be Gogo. Shane: ...yeah? And? Silver: But... GOGO! I mean... GOGO! Gah! Shane: Yay! ^.^ [singing] All we hear is, Radio Gogo... [Silver falls over] >ran to the airship to flee the crumbling Tower. Silver: [singing] I can take about an hour on the tower of power... [Jeanna breaks a 2x4 over Silver's head] Shane: O.o Meep! Why'd you do THAT for?? Jeanna: BELIEVE me, you do NOT wish to hear the rest of that. Silver: @_@ Ding, dong, the witch is dead... [falls over] >Then came another movement Jeanna: Well, duh, the Tower was CRUMBLING. Of COURSE it's moving. Silver: [climbing upright] I'm not even going to comment on that comment. >of Silver: ...furniture! Shane: Gleep! O.O [looks around] MOM?? Silver: O_o [sweatdrop] >everything, just like when Kefka moved the Statues. Jeanna: Oh. THAT kind of movement. Silver: [facepalm] And she only JUST figured that out. >They formed 7 continents, Shane: Cross, Harlie... Silver: Suckup. >North America, South America, Europe, Asia, Australia, Africa, and >Antarctica. [all facefault] Silver: [muffled voice] This damn carpet tastes like old cheese... >During the escape, the Falcon crashed, Shane: [fuming] IT DID NOT! Silver: [speaks as if the words are too disgusting for him to touch with an 11-foot polecat] "Artistic license", I believe it's called... >_< >as Setzer was saying how great a ship it was. Shane: And it IS! [fumes] Silver: Hell hath no fury like a fangirl scorned... >Thwap!< Shane: [still fuming] Wanna make something of it? >Was, because it crashed in the Arctic Ocean. Jeanna: ...by falling through a dimensional portal. All: ... Shane: ..._X_?? X: I didn't have anything to do with _that_! >Upon impact, the whole thing froze, locking us in for years. Silver: And NOT, I repeat, NOT simply landing all of them in cold water where they froze to death like any NORMAL person who falls into freezing cold water. Jeanna: Well, most of them weren't exactly "normal"... Silver: They WERE not normal, but once magic disappeared, any magic that might have saved them would also be lost. Ergo, they should have DIED. Shane: Trust him, Jeanna. He KNOWS what he's talking about. Silver: [pats Shane on the head] Good student. Have a bisquit. [hands over a Tilde] Shane: Yay! ^.^ Tildes! [Jeanna sweatdrops] >Now on the 1000th anniversary of this whole ordeal, Silver: [Gogo] ...someone found our frozen, lifeless bodies floating in the ocean. Only two months later, we were all thawed and placed in preservation jars in a museum. Girls: [SWEATDROP] >the ocean finally thawed. Shane: Is he saying the ENTIRE OCEAN was FROZEN? O.o Silver: ...it would certainly seem that way. Jeanna: If it was, shouldn't they have gone "splat" when they crashed? >Thank god for global warming! Silver: Oh, so GLOBAL WARMING is just something we use for THAWING FROZEN MIMICS. There aren't any OTHER effects, oh no, not anything at all! Jeanna: Said with "sarcasm so thick you could cut it with a Buster Sword." Shane: A BLUNT buster sword. >Our imprisoned ship floated to the surface, Jeanna: ...which didn't do it much good, seeing as it was IMPRISONED. >and I called Setzer's ship a submarine. Jeanna: A ship that FLIES is... a... what? Silver: I believe they are called "airships" Jeanna... Jeanna: [thwaps Silver] I know that! >He near killed me! Shane: Well, DUH. It IS his beloved Daryl's ship, after all... Silver: Pansy. You'd think he'd get over that... Jeanna: Like YOU'RE one to speak! Silver: And we don't bring up THOSE things in a MST, either, thankyekindly. >An arctic expedition saved us from re-freezing. Jeanna: IF THE OCEAN WAS THAWING - Silver: Six words, Jeanna. Guess which ones. Jeanna: Um... "You Are Thinking About The Fic"? Silver: GOOD girl. >The group brought us to Alaska. Umaro, however decided to stay to >find out if he was the only yeti left. Silver: Uumaro IS Luke Snowwalker in... RETURN OF THE YETI! NOT coming to a theatre near us, because if it does, I'm blowing it up. X: No risk... >Poor Setzer had to use his vast poker winnings to pay for a cruise to >Hawaii. Jeanna: ...by paying for it in _GP_... Silver: GOLD. It's always valuable. Jeanna: Well, yeah... there is that. >One crystal All: CROSSOVER?? AAACK! >clear night Shane: NOT crossover. All: Phew! >I was thinking about something with Terra. Silver: [Gogo] So how about it? I got a room at the hotel, and- >THWAPP!!< Jeanna: [fumes] Grr. Silver: Itai... > "What happened to the Silver: ...author's brain? JL: Hey! Silver: Dammit! Not THAT author! And STAY OUT OF MY MSTS, DAMN IT! >great Emperor Gestahl?" she asked. Silver: He got zapped by a statue, then thrown off a floating continent by Cefca, and DIED. Jeanna: You know that ain't gonna happen. Silver: Oh yeah. I'm telling The Reader what SHOULD have happened, so he/she won't have to wonder... >Ka-boom!< Shane: [marking something off on a piece of paper] That's Fourth Wall #2 for today... > I replied, "Who?" Silver: [Tina] The main villain of our game for the first, oh, I don't know, twenty hours or something? >Ka-BOOM!< Shane: [sighs] ...and there goes number three... > "Emperor Gestahl was Silver: ...an EMPEROR who was trying to conquer the world. NO ONE has heard of him. Really. [facepalm] N'gah... >the one in charge of the world before he got pushed off the floating >continent by Sgt. Kefka. All: SERGEANT KEFKA?? Shane: Hey! He was a frikkin' GENERAL, not a sergeant! Boo! Hiss! BOO! Silver: Freaky thing is, I can SEE him harassing Beetle... Shane: Well, duh. He harasses EVERYBODY. Silver: ...yeah. Point. >Shadow can give you all the details." Shane: [Tina] ...well, he COULD have done it, if he hadn't DIED at the end of FF6! >KA-BOOM!!< Shane: ...[sigh] Dammit. 4:th Wall #4. Silver: They drop like flies, don't they? But to get back to Shadow - we never SEE him actually kick the bucket. Only... ALMOST. Jeanna: ...which ANY number of ficwriters have been taking advantage of since FF6 was released... Silver: It's better that way. What if he had died? Then they would RESURRECT him instead. Shane: O.o Ick! > "Where was the floating continent?' Silver: Well, could it have been, y'know... IN THE AIR, or something?? Shane: It could be "floating" as in "floating in water", too... Silver: Not in a GAME, it can't. Have you EVER played a game where "floating continent" means it acts like a boat? Shane: Um... Sonic 3? Silver: That's only because it malfunctioned. It doesn't count. > "I think that during the last big movement it Silver: ...had long since been destroyed. It crumbled BEFORE the FIRST change, remember? >was over what is now the South Pole." Jeanna: SOUTH POLE?? Wasn't that place a bit too WARM to be the south pole? Shane: Um... yeah? Jeanna: Just wondering... > I yelled, Shane: ...SSSUUUUUUURRRRGE!! Silver: You've never even TASTED Surge. Shane: So? I've been wanting to say that for MONTHES! [giggles] >"WHERE? The SOUTH POLE? I Silver: [Gogo] ...did NOT have sexual relations with that woman! Girls: Gleep! O.o >don't want to freeze again, you Esper, you!" Silver: HALF esper, and the "esper" genes were de-magic-i-fied, meaning they aren't much more than human now. Shane: And he STILL knows what he's talking about. [clears throat] Silver: Sorry, you've filled your Tilde quota for today. Shane: Aww... > I was so mad, I left in a huff. Silver: I'd rather leave in a car. They're more comfortable. Girls: Duh... [sweatdrop] >Cyan came up to me and asked me if everything was all right. Silver: [Cayenne] I trusteth thou art well, Sir Gogo? Jeanna: [facepalm] ...argh... Shane: What can you expect from someone who's several thousand years old? > I replied with, "Terra just mentioned that Silver: She's from the Isle of L- Jeanna: [brings out a baseball bat (wooden)] You do NOT wish to continue that. >we can all go Silver: ...to hell! >and freeze again hunting down Emperor Gestahl in the South Pole!" Shane: What I wonder is... couldn't they just leave him there? I mean, that's a PERFECT way to get rid of him! They don't have to fight him... Silver: Hmm... well, Gestahl WAS pretty powerful... but without magic? They could probably kick his ass without complications. And I'd prefer to kill him before he thaws on his own and starts causing trouble again. > Cyan said, "I don't wanna feel cold again, either, Gogo!" Silver: Ack! O_o CAYENNE, say something LIKE THAT?? Shane: Let me try! Um, [Cyan] I doeth not wish to feel cold again either, Sir Gogo? Silver: Uh, well, yeah, something like that. Although I believe he'd rather say "I, also, hath no wish to feel such bone-chilling cold ever again, Sir Gogo". [Jeanna facepalms] > But everyone else wanted to go. Silver: Shows how smart THEY are. And they don't even USE GFs. Shane: [giggles] I REEEEALLY love that story! ^.^ >Setzer provided the cash again, Jeanna: How much does he HAVE, anyway?? Silver: Well, you hardly need to buy ANYTHING in FF6 after the first five or so hours. That means you'll accumulate LOADS of cash. Believe me. >even madder than before. Silver: Yup. Even... All: STARK RAVING MAD!! >On December 21, 1999, Silver: ...I was STILL asleep. The nineties, brr! Girls: [SWEATDROP] Silver: The eighties were OK, though. Jeanna: And The Author being born in the eighties has NOTHING to do with that, oh no, not a bit... [a safe falls on Jeanna, followed closely by the Fourth Wall] Shane: [deep sigh] The FIFTH Fourth Wall for the day... Man, this gotta be some kinda record. >he found him on the now-melted Ross Ice Shelf. Shane: IF THAT SHELF WAS MELTED- Silver: And now YOU'RE thinking about it! There's something wrong here... >He awoke with a start. Silver: ...and ground to a stop. Jeanna: That was lame, you know. Silver: I just didn't wanna break out perfect "one-riff-per-line" record- >CRASH!!< Shane: [winces] That's _#6_. > "Why I'll fry that two faced son of a-." he exclaimed. Silver: Then, he remembered the little fact that he's DEAD, and promptly fell silent. > Edgar slapped him [All O_o, then start laughing] >and aimed his AutoCrossbow. Shane: You know you're in trouble when... Silver: ...the author sticks to the original names of weapons and such LIKE GLUE. JL: Hey! Silver: And don't YOU start... >"Shut up or you'll get an arrow down your throat." Jeanna: ...or SEVERAL arrows, seeing as that's an AUTOcrossbow. > Celes said, Silver: [Celes] No, that's not sharp enough. Use this! [himself] ...and with that, she handed Edgar the Illumina. Girls: [wince] Ouch. >"Don't be harsh, Edgar, we'll just freeze him again. Silver: ...and NOW the bakayaroo think of that. People, my "RPG Hero Stupidity" meter just exploded. IN MY POCKET. Ow. Girls: O.o [sweatdrop] >He'll appreciate the bone-chilling cold." Shane: Actually, he's a Fire elemental mage. Or was. He wouldn't like it AT ALL. Silver: _I_ find it scary that she actually REMEMBERS all that... > Gestahl said, "What do you want? Silver: [spooky voice] I want you to... FALL ASLEEEEEEPPP... Shane: [jumps] Ick! Don't do that! It freaks me out! >Where's Kefka?" Shane: He's DEAD! ...I hope. > Mog said, "Kupo! He died Kupoppoppo years ago!" Silver: "Kupoppoppo" means "strawberry gratin" for all those of you who don't speak Moogle. Shane: O.o You speak MOOGLE?? Silver: Off Course! [grins] I am fluent in over- Jeanna: [smashes a chair over Silver's head] _NO_ Star Wars references! > "Huh?" Silver: He said - Jeanna: NO. Just NO. > Strago said, "That's 1000, according to my moogle translator." All: MOOGLE TRANSLATOR?? O_o > Gestahl replied, "1000! What the ****?" Silver: Tsk. That's "what the f***?" [Jeanna waps Silver with a telephone] > Relm explained the situation, Silver: ...because we ALL know that teenaged kids know everything about stuff like that... no offence, Shane. Shane: None taken. Silver: I get the feeling that she lied. [falls over] Jeanna: O.o [sweatdrop] >how they were in the year 2000, All: [singing] ...phone me up in the year two thousand... >when we lived in the year 1000. Jeanna: Am I the only one who thinks that makes no sense at all? Shane: Um... no? Jeanna: GOOD. I was starting to worry... > Gestahl was still in a state of shock. Silver: Nono, you get SHOCKED when you're hit by LIGHTNING. Someone who has been subjected to cold for a while gets frostbite. There IS a difference. Shane: You're being silly, Sir Mage. Silver: ...so? >He couldn't believe that Shane: ...it was not butter! ^.^ Silver: And THAT was nice and obscure, too. Not. Shane: Hey, I'm trying! >this theory of his from 1020 years ago was true! Silver: WHAT theory? Jeanna: [Gestahl] I know it! 1000 years from now, some spotty kid is gonna write bad fanfics about me! I just KNOW it! Shane: [giggles] [random guard] Yes, Sir. Right, Sir. [mutters] Could someone PLEASE bring the emperor's medicine? > Setzer decided, along with Gestahl, to use some GP to buy an >airship, Shane: ...because now he LIKES Gestahl, who, the last time they met, was their MORTAL ENEMY and trying to TAKE OVER THE WORLD. Riiiight. >but when he heard that there were none left in the world, he got a >plane instead. Silver: Excuse me, but I have a... PLANE to catch. Shane: Whee! ^.^ [giggles] Jeanna: ...wha? Silver: Wizard injoke. You wouldn't understand. >He learned fast. One day, we went flying straight into TWA Flight >801. [all facefault again] Jeanna: I thought Setzer was, like, one of the best pilots in the world? Ooh... [holds her head and takes an aspirin] Silver: _I_ thought people would have more sense than to kill the FF6 cast by having them CRASH INTO AN AIPLANE. Like... DUH! >Well, you get the picture, Shane: Yeah, everything like KABOOM! and no more FF6 heroes. Jeanna: Just you WAIT 'til I get my hands on the person who treated my Setzer-kun like that! Silver: Gah... [facepalm] >we were witnesses, we all barely survived, and we were rewarded a >large sum of cash. Silver: ...oh. They DID have more sense. Shane: ...but... why did they get REWARDED? I mean... Silver: Don't think about it... > That was about all I remembered. Every day I walk by all of >their graves. All: NANI?? Silver: ...or didn't they? Damn, my head hurts... [Jeanna hands Silver an aspirin] >Here is what they say. Shane: [grave] HERE LIES THE GREAT TREASURE HUNTER LOCKE COLE. HIS LAST WORDS WERE, "DO NOT RESURRECT ME, OR I'LL RIP YOUR LUNGS OUT. I MEAN IT." >Terra Branford - 982-2004 - She was a good, magical person. Shane: Sound like someone we know? ^.^ Silver: Bah! I'm NEUTRAL, dammit! Shane: I wasn't talking about you. >Locke Cole - 975-2003 - The treasure hunter that was a good friend >we'll never forget. Jeanna: So Locke was, what, one of those androids, or something? "That"? >Cyan Garamonde - 950-2002 Shane: Did it really take ELEVEN YEARS for all this to happen? I mean, we haven't been reading for half an hour! That's weird! Silver: Your head is going to explode of you keep thinking about the fic like that... >- Lost his family, but not his nerve. Silver: 'tis hard to lose something you never had. >Edgar Roni Figaro - 973-2003 - A king with a unique personality. Shane: That is... a way to put it, yes. Silver: [Edgar] Panties! All mine! MINE! [Jeanna thwaps Silver, none too gently] >Sabin Rene Figaro - 973-2003 - A martial arts master who taught many. Silver: [rubbing his head] We're lucky the brothers' personalities aren't reversed... Sabin with Edgar's personality would be a BAD thing. Jeanna: [fuming] ANYONE with Edgar's personality is a bad thing! [thwaps Silver] >Celes Chere - 978-2005 - A person who has always put others before >herself. Silver: Translation: she liked to be on top. >Whack!!< Ow! >Sock!< Ow! >Smacko!< Hey, cut that out! >Shadow - Died 2003 - A mysterious person, who worked in mysterious >ways. Jeanna: And he NEVER told anyone who he was, even after all that... Silver: ...and he STILL died at the end of FF6... >Strago Magus - 930-2001 - The wise old man who taught everyone >everything. Silver: [Stragus] No, Tina, you hold your tongue like THIS... >WHACK< >SPAM< >FOOM< Girls: GROSSNESS!! >Relm Arrowny - 990-2025 - The young girl who kept us young inside. Shane: ...even after she STOPPED being "young". Silver: Define "young". [Shane fumes] >Setzer Gabbiani - 973-2010 - The gambler with a heart of gold. Shane: Because, he was so vain he had it gilded. Silver: That WOULD explain why he died. Jeanna: [facepalm] Mog - 989-2075 - The moogle who danced up a storm, and never tripped! Shane: Ha! Just try dancing that stupid Snowman Jazz in a cave, and you'll see just how often he trips! Silver: [Mog] Kuuuupo, TRIPPIN'! >SMACK!< Jeanna: Too disgusting. >Gau - 987-2020 - Even though we couldn't understand his words, we >understood his bold actions. Shane: He could speak normally! He just inserted random "Uwaaaooo"s between words! Silver: You're thinking about it AGAIN... I'm not cleaning this place up if you explode! >Umaro - 996-2083 - Coldest on the outside, but warmest on the inside. Silver: [Uumaro] Chilli peppers! Ack! Jeanna: And THAT was lame TOO. Shane: But how come half of them died between 2001 and 2005? I mean, duh! That's not NORMAL! Silver: You just answered your own question, Shane... > I feel that I will go soon, but I will die a happy man. Silver: ...or woman. Or thing. Or whatever it is that Gogo is. >Gogo Caesar All: CAESAR?? [they double over laughing] >August 19, 2084 > >Note: Gogo died the next day. His Silver: ...or her, and so on... >tombstone reads: Shane: [tombstone] I AM GOGO. SEE LOCKE'S STONE FOR DETAILS. Jeanna: You've been practising that voice, or what? Shane: YES. AS A MA- ER, Yes. As a matter of fact, I have. [Silver sweatdrops] >Gogo Caesar - 949-2084 - A man Silver: ...or woman, or thing, or... Shane: I always thought Gogo was male. Silver: Yeah. But YOU are SIXTEEN, so you can be excused. [Shane fumes] >who shrouded his body, but not his soul, to the world. Shane: That was a rather poetic line, actually. Silver: My magical BUTT it was poetic! >_< Jeanna: >.< Don't SAY that! It's disgusting! Silver: Whatever... ===[X's Place]=== "...and thus ends another session of Mystery [Insert Pun/Injoke Here] Theatre 3081. Hope you've enjoyed-" >CRASH!!< \ | / \ | / \|/ ----0---- ZAP! /|\ / | \ / | \ ===[?]=== "Did you hear something?" "Like what?" "Em... like a Fourth Wall breaking someplace, and smacking someone's head into a Button of some sort?" "...you're dreaming." "...yeah, I suppose. Now, let's see what Vargas thinks of my Ultima Weapon!" ______________________________________________________________________ That was a horrble little thing, wasn't it? :P (And yeah, Shane uses a cheat code. Who doesn't?) ______________________________________________________________________ > Cyan said, "I don't wanna feel cold again, either, Gogo!"