Mystery [Insert Pun/Injoke Here] Theatre 3081 [DELETED] Present... Episode 8 (b): PokéSpam #2! ...do I care who wrote it THIS time? Do you THINK I do? Nooo! Now go read the MST! Again, I removed that word. "Proudly" STILL has nothing to do with it. ...another fake rant...? So what! It's FUN to MST these! ^_^ ___________________________________________________________ ===[?]=== "Then I'll... cast a Fireball!" Shane said, tossing down a card. "I counter it," Jeanna replied, putting down a card of her own. "AGAIN?" "Yup, again. Your move." "Um... Fireball again!" "Countered." "Fireball." "Countered." "Fireball!" "Um... exactly WHAT are you two doing?" Silver had silently walked up to the table the two women were sitting at, and at the sound of his voice, they both jumped. "Don't DO that!" they exclaimed in unison, glaring at him. "Whatever... so, what is it that's so interesting, anyway? ...MtG cards?" "Yup!" Shane waved a handful of cards in his face. "Isn't that... a bit 'out' by now?" "We never heard anything about WHEN it is up here," Shane countered. "And besides - it's fun! Although, we'd like another player..." Jeanna blinked. "Hey... didn't you start playing that game with that guy... Stelas? You have cards!" "Well, a few," the wizard admitted. "But it's been a while since I played, and I haven't upgraded my deck in a few years." "We don't mind!" Shane chirped happily. "Sit down and play!" Silver sighed. "Okay..." With a flourish, he produced a deck of cards, and put it on the table. "My, my... What is this...?" X's voice asked. "Magic the Gathering? Don't you know that those things are evil?" "Yup - along with rock music, anime, and anything that didn't exist when the last generation were twenty," Silver said, obviously not impressed, as he pulled up a chair and sat down. "But evil is part of life, so why not? Besides, being good ALL the time could hurt my alignment," he continued after a while, ignoring the Fourth Wall's pained groans. "I'm Chaotic Neutral, remember?" "Well, you'll have to wait with the 'evil' for now," X said, with an unmistakable grin in his voice, "because now it's MY turn to be evil!" Silver sighed. "Not 'Fic Sign' time ALREADY?" Shane protested. "'Fraid so!" X snickered. "Get in the theatre, guinea pigs! You have another anti-Pokemon rant to read!" Shane sneezed. "...we'll finish this later," Jeanna sighed, pocketing her cards. Silver simply rolled his eyes and vanished via a teleportation spell. Shane looked down... at the deck of Magic cards he'd left behind. "You think he'd mind if I took a peek?" she asked Jeanna. "...no." Jeanna grinned mischievously. Shane carefully picked up the cards, turned them over... "What is it?" Jeanna asked. "He's got a Black Lotus!" Jeanna whistled softly. "Wow." Shane nodded. "I wonder what he's got more..." She removed the Black Lotus card and looked at the one beneath it- "WHAT?" Jeanna asked. "Black Lotus." Shane turned over another card. "Leviathan..." And another card. "Black Lotus." And another one. "Force of Nature." And another one. "Black Lotus." The two looked at the wizard's deck, then at each other. "We're gonna forget the fact that we challenged him, right?" Shane said after a few seconds. "Uh-huh," Jeanna replied. Shane carefully put the cards back, and they headed for the theatre. ===[WARNING! YOU ARE ENTERING MST ZONE!]=== [The girls sit down in their usual seats; Silver is already seated, and tapping his fingers impatiently against the armrest of his chair] Silver: What took you so long? Jeanna: Eh... I tripped. Silver: [worriedly] You're not hurt, are you? Jeanna: ...um... no... [blushes slightly] Shane: ...don't you two DARE get cute on me! >Go Poke Yourself, Satan! Silver: It Beats Poking Your Eye Out With A Fork. ^_^ Jeanna: It's a SPOON dammit! Kadabra would be REEEEALLY pissed. Shane: ACHOO! ACHOO!! Silver: And so would Yang. >From Land Silver: Is it a forest THIS time? >Over Baptist Silver: Yech. Apparently not. Oh what the heck, I'll just play a Mountain instead, and use Disintegrate... Shane: [mutters] ...or a Black Lotus, more likely... >Sept. 1 - FREEHOLD Shane: That's FREEPORT! And it's a pretty cool place, actually... Silver: ...Whoa, _DING_. And you _deserve_ that one. Shane: ^.^ Thanks! >IOWA- Silver: -the state that banned Noses! Shane: But I though Kuririn was JAPANESE? Silver: I wonder if it's time to bring out the ole "ding" again... >Landover Baptist Pastor, Ebeneezer Girls: Bless you! ^.^ Silver: CURSE you. Shane: But... isn't that a kind of dog? >Smith used a blowtorch and a sword Silver: That's ON a sword. His own, I hope. [the girls wince and sweatdrop] Jeanna: Ow. Ow. OW. That sounds really, really, REALLY painful. Silver: ^_^ Doesn't it? >Sunday morning to demonstrate Silver: ...that he's a PHOCKIN' PSYCHO. What else can you demonstrate with a SWORD AND A BLOWTORCH? Er... or maybe if they mean BLOW- >[insert sounds of Someone Getting Hit Very Hard With A Very Hard Object here]< >that Pokemon games and toys Jeanna: ...are a LOT more fun if you have a big sword... wh- what am I saying?? [Jeanna and Shane both blush, and Silver chuckles] Jeanna: [still blushing] That's not funny! >are only sugar-coated Shane: Mmm... sugar! ^.^ Wai! Silver: [rolling his eyes] Kids... >instruments of Silver: ...Cuteness and Marketing, of course. What else? >the occult and evil. Silver: ... O_o It is WHAT? Shane: OCCULT?? Jeanna: Is that CHAOTIC Evil? [Silver facepalms] ...it is. >Earlier this week at Landover's Wednesday >evening service, children's pastor Marty Richards Silver: ...totally flipped, pulled a gun, and blew his own balls off. Girls: O.o >told 714 kids ages 2 through 10 that Silver: [Richards, high-pitched voice] It didn't hurt at all! Girls: >.< [facepalm] >Pokemon is evil and Jeanna: ...then returned home to find his mailbox FULL of hate mail. >was sent to this planet Silver: ...from a galaxy far, far away... Shane: NO Star Wars riffs! Silver: Aww... >under direct orders from Shane: ...Captain Picard. Silver: NO Star Trek riffs. Shane: Aww... Jeanna: [sweatdrop] They. Are. NOT. Normal. >Satan himself. Silver: That's ITself! Girls: Nani? Silver: IT is an asexual being. Unique beings like that usually are. Shane: Does that include... "God", too? Silver: Why Off Course! At least THEIR version... [a lightning bolt hits Silver, bounces of, and punches a hole through The Screen] Girls: O.o X: ACK! Silver: ^_^ [cliché villain] So, you've returned. Do you still think you'd be a match for me? Girls: O.o ! X: ACK!! >To drive home his point, Richards burned Silver: ...to death, very slowly and painfully, while screaming "THIS IS FOR GOD!!". [the girls sweatdrop. Again.] >Pokemon trading cards and video games Shane: Burn VIDEOGAMES?? Boo! Silver: Those are POKEMON videogames. Shane: ACHOO! So what? Burning videogames is against my personal religion! BOO!! >with a blowtorch and skewered 14 plastic Pokemon >action figures with a 40 inch broad sword. Jeanna: YOU DON'T USE A BROADSWORD TO _SKEWER_ THINGS, YOU IDIOT!! IT'S A SLASHING WEAPON! Silver: [from the floor] So's your voice. Ow. O_o >Richards then held the sword with all 14 pierced Pokemon figures Shane: Pik ACHOO! achu ACHOO! with tail rings? ACHOO! O.o Silver: Well, it might help him conduct electricity... >over a charcoal grill. Silver: [Richards] Mmm, roast Pikachu... goes with a nice Chianti, I think. Shane: I hope he tries that with ACHOO a Koffing ACHOO because then it'd blow up ACHOO and kill him. >Richards' 5-year-old son tore the limbs and head off Shane: ...his father for being such a lame-ass. Silver: O_o SHANE?? Shane: What? I can make evil riffs too! >a Pokemon doll and spit on the dismembered carcass. Jeanna: It's a DOLL, dammit. You don't get CARCASSES when you break TOYS. Silver: [to Shane] You can make kids believe just about ANYTHING if you threaten to sic "god" on them if they dare have an other opinion. Remember that if you decide to get any. [Shane sweatdrops, and Jeanna socks Silver with a tricycle] >During the demonstration, the children chanted: Jeanna: [kid, chanting] Psy-cho, psy-cho, psy-cho... Silver: [himself, chanting] Eld och vatten, luft och jord, ljus och mörker... Shane: AAAAAAAAAACKKK! [Shane rips the seat from the chair to her right and breaks it over Silver's head] Silver: ...iTaI... @_@ Jeanna: O.o >"Burn it. Burn it,'' and "Chop it up. Chop it up.'' "Kill them All!" Silver: [kid] Burn the church. Chop it to pieces. Kill the priests! ...gotta kill them all! [the girls sweatdrop] Silver: ...look, I find this _annoying_, OK? >Manufacturers of the hugely popular Pokemon products, including Silver: ...SonMay. ^_^ Girls: [sweatdrop] Silver: Oh, and Shane, don't you think I haven't seen your CD collection. [Sane turns very red and sweatdrops again] >Nintendo and Hasbro Silver: HashBro! The 5672:nd Pokémon! Type: Chainsmoker... and Off Course, it starts with the 2ndHndSmoke attack. Evil/Poison elemental, naturally. Jeanna: Baka... Shane: Achoo! Silver: Did I mention that its most powerful attack is LungCancer and that it inflicts Condemned status on the opponent? ^_^ Jeanna: BAKA. Shane: ACHOO! O.o >Inc., lied openly about Pokemon's association with the occult. Silver: [lying Nintendo employee] Well of course! There's a TON of occult influences in Pokemon! Really! I mean it! [starts looking slightly maniacal] Just look at Charmander! He's evil! EVIL, I tell you! And PIKACHU! [looks even MORE maniacal] He's a HORRIBLE demon! Gotta catch them all... [looks like a full-fledged psycho] I mean _I_ gotta catch them all! Give me your SOULS! Complete my collection! Bwafwahaha! [back to normal (well, HIS version of "normal", at any rate)] Or something. [the girls bigsweat] >The national Christian Coalition told The Press Shane: [Rena] X: DON'T #¤!#(§/?(#¤(§/!#§¤ING BREAK THE #¤!#(§/?(#¤(§/!#§¤ING SCREEN!!! Silver: Duuuh... wasn't that thing strong enough to bounce off an Ultima spell CAST BY ME a few episodes back? [X bigsweats] Jeanna: They capitalise "the press"? Does that mean they worship that as well? Shane: So does The Author! You think HE worships the press as well? O.o JL: HEY! I'm a friggin' atheist! I don't worship ANYTHING! (...except Miyazaki, of course, but that's another matter entirely.) So there! :P Shane: ... meep... [sweatdrop] Silver: I told you to STAY OUT OF MY MSTS! And STAY out! JL: Meep! >FOOM!< Itai... >on Friday that it fully agrees with Landover Baptist's stand >against the ungodly toy industry. Shane: EEK! I wouldn't be surprised - EEK! GET IT AWAY FROM ME! - if It did that, actually. EEK! [Silver sweatdrops] Jeanna: ...that's... perfectly ordinary, isn't it? Please tell me it is. Please? [tries to sink deeper in her chair] Silver: Well, actually... that's a bit odd, even for Shane. Shane: What are you two EEK talking about EEK!? I SAID GET IT AWAY FROM ME! I'm not that EEK bad! [Silver and Jeanna sweatdrop] >"Toy manufacturers are being guided by Jeanna: ...Mammon. >Satan's minions." Silver: Same thing. ^_^ Jeanna: Argh! [whacks Silver with a frozen salami] Shane: You used a SALAMI? [winces] We'll NEVER hear the end of the hentai comments now... Silver: No, you won't. Juft you wait 'till I fhind my teef... >One source stated, "Demons are Silver: ...very interesting. Isn't that right, old chap? Raspy voice: ...indeed... X and the Girls: O_O Ack!! >instructing the Nintendo and Hasbro companies on how to Silver: ...make lots of money by selling crappy OS:es. ...er, no, that's MS. My bad. ^_^ Jeanna: Honest mistake. Anyone could'a made it. >corrupt a child's innocence Silver: [darkly] Do we really need ITS help to do that? Jeanna: You've been listening to Shane's Metallica records again, haven't you? >and create a future army of junior Satanists that will >one day rule the world!" All: WHOA! Silver: I WONDER what he's smoking... >"We agree with Pastor Ebeneezer, Girls: Bless you! ^.^ >and The Landover Baptist Corporation,'' All: CORPORATION?? Shane: Evil! EVIL! Silver: Wow! What WAS that thing that just went flying past here? Looked sortof like an undead imp with a very bad skin condition... Jeanna: My guess would be LOB's credibility... >said William Barnes, a Silver: ...complete and utter moron. >spokesman for the national Christian Coalition Silver: Same- >WHAM!< Ow. >based in Virgin Silver: How can she be a VIRGIN if they're- >WHAMMO!< >SPLAM!< >HE'S-GONNA-FEEL-THAT-IN-THE-MORNING!< >ia. Silver: [lying in a heap on the floor] Ah. ^_^ Girls: AAARGHH! [they proceed to beat Silver up some more] > "It's a policy issue, a church issue, and >a national security issue. Jeanna: Well SOMEONE's got issues, anyway... >We know all about it. Silver: And you still write this junk? [sly grin] I'm scared! Hold me, Jeanna! Jeanna: [fuming] It will NOT be that easy. Silver: ^_^ Rats. >We currently fund over 15 campaigns against the Pokemon >menace.'' Shane: The PHANTOM Menace! Get your facts straight! Silver: He'd better get his SEXUALITY straight first. It CAN'T be healthy to be a Pokemon snuff fetishist. [the girls sweatdrop] >Pokemon, (pronounced POH-kaymahn), is short for pocket demons. All: _MONSTERS_! Dammit! >The Devil loving phenomenon Silver: As opposed to Mother loving phenomenon? >SPLAT!< Hey! I didn't make that up! Jeanna: [smirking] And? Silver: And, , STOP HITTING ME WITH FISH!! >began in Japan over 20 years ago. Shane: ACK! It's older than ME?? o.O Silver: POKEMON is. The games, anime, manga and plushies aren't. Jeanna: Wha? Silver: You really don't think humans INVENTED that, did you? Chack this out! [produces a Pokéball from thin air] It's about... four thousand years old, I think. Shane: O.o ACHOOOO! Jeanna: Er... should I ask? Shane: Achoo! Silver: What's inside? ...depends. Do you value your sanity? ^_^ Shane: Achoo!! Jeanna: [sweatdrop] ...I think I better keep my mouth shut. Shane: Achoo. >A young boy summoned an Silver: [dispersing of the Pokeball] ...Esper named Shiva to get rid of his evil stepfather. Girls: O.o Shane: Now that... is... Silver: ^_^ ...a secre- >WHAMMO-KA-SMASH!< Akk... Jeanna: It's something I don't want to see, that's what it is. Shane: I WAS going to say "disturbing". ...and how DO you get a sound effect like that? All I ever manage is "foom"! [The Fourth Wall collapses in the background, adding yet another number to the statistics] Jeanna: That too. And to answer your second question, practice. Lots and LOTS of practice. Silver: [from the floor] ...I don't have to say anything about the stepfather starting to chase Shiva around, and finally getting run over by a car when she tricked him to run across the street, do I? ^_^ [the girls sweatdrop] >evil demon Jeanna: No, a GOOD demon! What do you THINK?? Silver: Baka! >Thwap!< There ARE good demons. Shane: Yeah, but they're CHAOTIC Good, and don't you forget it! ^.^ [the others facepalm] >to kill his entire family because they wouldn't buy >him a stick of chewing gum at the supermarket. [all facefault] >The demon came Silver: - Girls: SILVER NO HENTAI!! Silver: - Girls: NOT THAT EITHER! Silver: -! Girls: ARGH! >WHAM!< >POW!< >KABONG!< >SPAM!< Silver: Itai... >, and brought with it, Jeanna: ...a whole CRATE of chewing gum! The boy NEVER had to ask his parents for money again! ^.^ Silver: Jeanna, that was DISGUSTINGLY sugary. Shane: It's CUTE! Silver: Nono, JEANNA is cute- >WHAM!< Ow! Would you rather I said "kawaii"? >KER-PLUNK!< Guess not... ow ow ow OW ow ow. >other pokemons who jumped into Shane: ...a pool of acid and died a horrible flaming death. ACHOO! Silver: Duuuh... if they jump into an ACID pool, how do they die a FLAMING death? Horrible I can understand, but- >Thwap< OK, I'll shut up... >the parents mouths while they were sleeping, and Jeanna: ...immediately died from the horrible stench. Silver: O_o That's... an odd comment. Jeanna: Isn't it though? ^.^ >lodged themselves in their tracheas, suffocating an entire >family, Jeanna: I WONDER what species that is? I mean, MOST of them wouldn't be able to get inside a human's mouth. Silver: And THAT was quite a disgusting mental image, too... Jeanna: What are you- oh. WILL YOU STOP BEING SUCH A DAMN HENTAI ALREADY?? Silver: No. :P Did you REALLY have to ask? >and setting the boy free to steal their money and buy gum. Silver: Duh. If you're THAT evil, you don't USE rubber- >ZAP!< Ow. >"The whole idea behind Pokemon is to show a child that Shane: You gotta -ACHOO!- "catch them all". >they can become a "powerful evil force, Silver: ...well, it's true! Why are you blaming ANIME and VIDEOGAMES for it? Shane: ACHOO! >and they don't have to listen to their parents.'' Silver: Like they REALLY need POKEMON to teach them THAT...! Jeanna: You know, in america, you're allowed to HIT kids. Most kids will do what they're told if the options include getting hit with a frying pan. Silver: ...maybe that is so, but you don't live to do it for long, if I catch up with you. Shane: [sweatdrop] I thought you hated kids. Silver: Ehm! I hate HUMANS. The adults are worse, so I hate them more. Given a reason to fireball them, I do so. That's all. Shane: [crispy] Got... the... point... ow. >Landover occult expert, Jonathan JL: DON'T GET MY NAME DIRTY, YOU RELIGIOUS FREAK! ARGH! GO FALL DOWN A PLOT HOLE OR SOMETHING! Riffers: ... ... ... ... O_o Ack! [bigsweat] >Edwards said. >"Kids look for different Pokemon demons, All: MONSTERS! >find them and utilize their specific powers to create >chaos in the home. Shane: And instantly get sued by- Jeanna: [sparkly-eyed] VINCENT-KUN! [Silver facepalms, sweatdrops and fireballs Jeanna, in that order] >It can be extremely violent, and the liberal media does not want >anyone to know how many families have been torn apart since this menace >began. Silver: [dryly] Maybe they don't, but WE want to know. TELL us. PLEASE. >The ultimate goal for a child is to Silver: ...grow up and see adolescence before he gets gunned down in the street. Well, that's it for kids in the US, anyway. Shane: [sweatdrop] You're SURE you shouldn't drop the hard rock and take up, er, Mozart or something? Silver: What do you think MADE me like this? Rock music is the only thing that keeps me sane! Jeanna: ...barely. ^.^ >WHAMMO!< Ow. It ow was worth ow it ow. ^.^ [Silver fumes] >collect them, and once they've collected all of them, they Shane: ...win the game. ACHOO! Simple, isn't it? ACHOO!! Silver: EXCEPT for the fact that you need at least two GBs, PM Blue, PM Red and a cable (or at least a GG or GS) to actually be ABLE to catch all 150. And I'm not even gonna START on the G/S version. Silver version, hmh! I oughtta sue... Jeanna: [sweatdrop-ing] Ah. NOT simple. >can have anything they wish for. In most cases, the child wishes Silver: ...to get old enough to be able to buy "Penthouse" without people giving him strange looks >WHAM!< owwie. >for complete control over his entire family. The pokemons >approach in the still of night, Silver: [singing] In the still of the night...! Jeanna: This is NOT the time for SINGING! Silver: Says who? Jeanna: Says I! Silver: Well, I have a spell here that says you don't! Wanna see who's right? Jeanna: [sweatdrop] >entering the parents mouths and lodging themselves in >their tracheas until they suffocate. Jeanna: Something feels repetitive here. Silver: Something feels repetitive here. [Jeanna sweatdrops] [Silver sweatdrops] [Jeanna facepalms] [Silver ^_^ -s] >They then scurry off quietly and return to their masters bed. >When authorities arrive, Silver: [dryly] ...because they have the same abilities that I do, and sensed the killings from ACROSS THE ENTIRE FUCKING CITY. Shane: [blinks] You can do that? Silver: [offended] Of course I can! What do you think I am, an amateur?? [fumes] >they are shocked to see Silver: ...the adults suffocated. Of course. "Dammit," they say, "those child-molesters sure don't live long once A Certain Wizard finds out what they're doing..." >SPAM!< >WHOOSH!< >SMACK!< Jeanna: THAT was GROSS. >.< Shane: EXTREMELY gross. >.< Silver: That's ow why I ow KILL them ow dammit ow! () >no evidence of foul play. They observe only Silver: ...a bunch of deaders, a host of lesser demons, and a VERY amused necromancer. Nothing out of the ordinary. Girls: O.o Eww... >a smiling child, fast asleep, surrounded by stuffed animals >and 'innocent little' Pokemons." [all facepalm] Silver: ...NOW who's mixing up reality and fiction?? Jeanna: [random ranter] This person must have been playing Dungeons and Dragons! >Deacon Fred, one of Jeanna: ...the worst psychos of all times. Shane: [giggles] Hello, Fred! You still got that job baptising landrovers? >37 co-pastors of the 125,000-member, Silver: ...monster usually referred to as "Overfiend"... >WHAM!< Girls: ACK! O.o That's SICK! :P BLEAGH! >fundamentalist-baptist church, said that his "antenna went up" Silver: And he's a PRIEST! SHAME on you, Fred! That's against your religion! >Thwap!< >over a year ago. While driving with his kids, he heard them in >the back seat talking about "Abra'' and "Cadabra,'' Silver: That's KADABRA! Jeanna: Spelling riffs? From YOU? Silver: I can do those too, you know... After all, SPELLing IS my speciality. ^_^ [the girls facepalm] Shane: ...spelling riffs are the SECOND oldest in the book. Jeanna: No, that's "This Was Brought To You By The Department Of Redundancy Department, Which Brought You This". Which, come to think of it, we have been using quite a lot. Silver: Nope - it's the "Commented Crono" one. Which, thanks to ME, we haven't been using AT ALL. ^_^ Shane: [sweatdrop] ...ano... could we perhaps continue this discussion... LATER? >"A chill went down my spine, and a trickle of perspiration >dribbled slowly down to the small of my back!" Silver: [Deacon] What? They found out? I TOLD that Pokemon to stay in my closet and keep his mouth shut! Now I'll have to make sure they _vanish_... Girls: EEP! Don't go there! Silver: [grinning] I WONDERED what Kadabra has that spoon for... >SMACK!< Girls: WE SAID DON'T GO THERE! YUCK, THAT'S _SO_ GROSS! Silver: Owwie... >He pulled the car over, Silver: ...shoved the kids out, aimed his shitgun at their heads, and, with a cry of "THIS IS FOR GOD!", pulled the trigger. Shane: [sweatdrop] ..."shitgun"? Silver: Yup! ^_^ Distant relative of the shotgun. [Shane facepalms] >took the Pokemon action figures from his children, placed them >on the road, Silver: The children, that is. >got back into the car and backed over them "100 >times, until there was nothing left but shards of plastic." Jeanna: [Deacon] Back... forth... back... forth... back... - er... what comes after back? Silver: O_o That's OOC for you. Still... I like! ^_^ [Jeanna facepalms] >The teary eyed children watched from the roadside. Silver: [kid] Duh, this guy are sick. Let's run away and buy guns so we can off him if he tries to do that to US. Shane: [other kid] Yeah... and hey, let's stop by and kill some flower merchants while we're at it! ^.^ [Jeanna fumes] >Pastor Deacon Fred said that he doesn't see why more unsaved >folks don't see the Devil's hand in this. Silver: Oh, maybe because - [he takes out a megaphone and shouts through it] - IT ISN'T THERE?? [and of course, the girls fall out of their seats (if you didn't foresee that, thwap yourself. Shame on you.)] >"Three of the Pokeman characters sprouts horns!" Silver: Oooh... I'm SCARED! So do sheep, Mr. Baah! And there aren't, like, 247 OTHER Pokemon out there WITHOUT horns! ...er... wait, that's PokeMAN you're talking about. My bad. Shane: [climbing into her seat again] There's more than three with horns, actually... Silver: Whose side ARE you on? Jeanna: [also climbing into her seat] Now all we need to know is, what the FAQ IS "Pokeman"? Silver: A relative of Pokérman. Shane: DING! Silver: Or a not-very-good-but-not-really-THAT-bad-either fanfic. Suit yourself. Shane: DING! Jeanna: [sweatdrop] >Another concern, he said, is that children exploring a Pokemon >Web site can click to other games, All: Gasp! The horror! The HORROR! >including "Magic: the Gathering,'' Silver: Wai. [the girls give him STRANGE looks] Silver: ^_^ [sweatbead] >a Satanic game similar to Dungeons and Dragons. Silver: WHAT?? Shane: SATANIC?? Jeanna: _SIMILAR TO DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS_?? All: SELL YOUR NOSE AND BUY A CLUE! ... ... ... (Ack, don't do that.) [pause] Silver: After all, Noses ARE banned in Iowa... >"It's got fancy sugar coating on it, but, underneath, it's Shane: _100% SYRUP!_ ^.^ [the others blink] Silver: That was... Jeanna: _Original_. Silver: ...that too. >Hell's poison,'' Pastor Deacon Fred said. Silver: Sugar and poison: a lethal combination. Jeanna: To some, the sugar is enough... Shane: Wai! Sugar! ^.^ >Focus on the Silver: [dry "teacher style" voice] ...enemy. Speak the Word of Power, and he shall be engulfed in flames. [the girls sweatdrop] Silver: [grinning] Then again, just holding your hands out [does that] and shouting "KAMEHAMEHA!" works well too. X: CUT THAT OOOOOUT! () >Family, the Colorado Springs-based Christian organization whose messages Jeanna: ...are so absurd, even the authors double over reading them. Jeanna: Laughing or puking? Silver: The first, until the second occurs... >reach as many as 5 million people >weekly via radio broadcasts, has researched Pokemon, Silver: Hiya, Prof. Oak! What's with that STOOPID disguise you're wearing? You look just... like... a... religious... nut.. ...sorry, my mistake. You're not Professor Oak - you ARE a religious nut! [the girls sweatdrop] >said David Wright , project coordinator the Youth Culture Department. Jeanna: Too late. Youth culture departed LONG ago... >"What we found, is Silver: [David] ...that there's NOTHING wrong with it! But we can't publish that, so we decided to... [whispers] TAMPER with the SAMPLES! And this stays between you and me, capiche? >so horrifying, and so schocking, Silver: PIKA! Chu? Shane: [sneezes] The spelling! The _spelling_! Oh, save me! [Shane succumbs to a giggling fit punctuated by sneezing] >it would drive an unsaved person to the brink of insanity! Silver: That's the EDGE of SANITY. Jeanna: Shameless plug #1. Silver. Be THANKFUL it's just #1! Jeanna: Besides, I've never been "saved" in my life, and know what? I'm just as sane as the next gu- ... ... er, the next GIRL. [Silver fumes] >Godly Christians are Silver: ...deluded fools, sadly. [More lightning hits Silver, and bounces off] >the only ones who can see this Satanic attack, Silver: ...because G.C believe they are Water Pokemon and Satanic Attacks are Fire Pokemon. ^_^ Jeanna: [sweatdrop] They wouldn't like that... Silver: I know! ^_^ Isn't it wonderful? Jeanna: [smiles] It has... a... certain charm to it, yes. >we don't expect sinners to understand our ongoing battle with >principalities that are not Silver: ...anything worth fighting against. AT ALL. Jeanna: Not to mention, according to christians, being human = being a sinner. Thus, NO ONE would understand it. Shane: Hey... that's right! Silver: And if we asked Draco, who is NOT human, he'd say "it sucks". Well, actually he'd probably just say "Zzzz", but that's what he would MEAN. Jeanna: He'd mean "Zzzz"? Silver: .... >of this world. Silver: Oh, THEM... by the way, Odin, when you've skewered this guy, make sure you give me a call, OK? I know where you can get a discount on snakes. [The girls sweatdrop] >We do however, expect them to take us very seriously, [everybody doubles over laughing] >and to submit to our (God's) authority Jeanna: They're saying "they" are "god" here? Isn't that a BIG nono in their religion? Silver: As I said, they are mentally deranged people. Don't expect them to make sense. >in destroying Silver: ...anyone who DARES have another opinion of Pokemon. Oh, and I COULD make an annoying speech here, but I won't. ^_^ Nice, ain't I? Girls: VERY. >these little beasts Silver: ...AKA, the members of LOB... >before they make junior Satanists out of every child on the planet!" Jeanna: Seeing as Pokemon can't talk, I have a hard time realising exactly HOW they are going to talk people into becoming satanists... Silver: ...there is something called "telepathy", also known as "mind- speech" and a number of other, quite similar things. ALSO, there's something known as "writing". Not being capable of speech is NOT a hindrance. HOWEVER, not being capable of THOUGHT is, and so far, I have seen VERY little proof that "thought" is compatible with "Pokemon". [looks around] Hey, where'd everybody go? ===[X's Place]=== "Nyahahaha! HAHAHA! Nyahaha!" X 'laughed'. "I estimate that they can read exactly 2.00873 more rants like this before going COMPLETELY INSANE!" "...and THEN how are you gonna keep that wizard from breaking everything in sight?" Y asked without even looking up from her book. X blinked. Then he hit the Delete button - \ | / \ | / \|/ ----0---- ZAP! /|\ / | \ / | \ ===[X's Place]=== "...dammit, X! The Delete button is over THERE!" THE REAL END! That sucked. >_< I really think these guys need a break from their jobs... before they hurt someone. Themselves, most likely. ...now hold on a minute... do I really want to stop them from doing THAT? O_o OK, so I AM evil... (How do these people get the TIME to write all this, anyway? And what's the PURPOSE? It's not THAT much fun... unless you're a MST-er, I mean. ^_-) Oh, whatever... Can you believe I actually typoed "shotgun"? It was NOT supposed to be... what it turned out to be. O_o Typo demons strike again... I'll leave you with this cool quote: [on banned books] "Run to the bookstore and get that book. If the school board tells you you can't read it, it's probably what you need." --Stephen King ___________________________________________________________ >"A chill went down my spine, and a trickle of perspiration >dribbled slowly down to the small of my back!"