34 WAYS TO ANNOY
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage".
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to-go".
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap it on occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse youself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200% extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog".
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield running in all weatherconditions "to keep them tuned up".
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle hemlet as part of your "astonaout training".
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors
upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was
a "real hoot".
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch
with a can of Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them
to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people
play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the
neighbors you are a "spider person".
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing
awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidently" flip the ink cartridge across
31. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal
Howard Cossell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Send really long joke e-mails to all the people you know.
34. Send out 32 (sic) thoughts on the 'thought' for the day.